Why I Won’t See “God’s Not Dead.” (SPOILER ALERT: I’m a Christian)

Screen Shot 2014-04-30 at 12.19.32 AMGuys, stop texting me “God’s not dead.” I already know that. And if this is some ploy to get me to see some movie it won’t work.

I refuse to see God’s Not Dead.

Everyone just gasped like I said something heretical. And one person pipes up and is like, “Jimmy, it’s your Christian patriotic duty to buy tickets to that movie.”

Huh? So now I’m Christian Benedict Arnold. Can you tell me what God’s Not Dead is about?

“Jimmy, it’s a totally awesome movie. This wicked smart kid goes to college where this atheistic professor tries to destroy his faith and –”

Wait! Stop right there. This kid is wicked smart? Why is he paying $30,000 a year, for four years, to an institution that tramples on his beliefs and desecrates what he holds sacred?

Sure, we who believe in Jesus should stand up for our faith. Jesus himself contended against the Devil after he fasted in the wilderness for 40 days and nights. But after he prevailed, he didn’t pull out a checkbook from his tunic and write the Devil a $120,000 tuition check. No. Want to know what really happened? God’s angels came to strengthen the hungry Jesus.

Right now some people are like, “Oh, Jimmy, you really need to see this movie. Not to give anything away, but guess what. The atheist professor gets saved by the end of the movie! Right after he gets hit by a car! Hallelujah!”

You don’t say!? The antagonist of the Christian movie gets saved by the end!? Not to spoil the illusion of motion pictures, but guess what. It’s fake! The movie is a work of fiction! Don’t praise God for imaginary souls saved.

In real life Atheist professors don’t convert to Christianity because of cogent arguments from their Christian students. Atheists by definition have deliberately plunged themselves into delusion. Therefore no logical argument can draw them out.

Atheist professors are like any other animal on God’s earth. They go to where they get fed. This professor makes a living trashing God and Christianity. Do you see? Atheism is his meal ticket.

Gullible Christians think they absolutely must go to college. So they pay $120,000 in tuition. The proceeds of which house, clothe, and abundantly feed this atheist professor who each semester trashes Christianity. And the following semester another batch of Christians show up paying big bucks thinking they can take him on. No wonder he has a dim view of Christians.

Some people right now are like, “But Jimmy, we need to reclaim higher education for God.”

No. God’s eduction happens at work. The Bible says wisdom calls aloud in the marketplace. Not college.

Do you want to know how to convert atheist professors to Christianity in real life? Hunger.

Yes, hunger. Make then starve. Stop sending your kids to college!

Hunger turns more hearts to repentance than any argument made by man.

Some people are laughing right now. Okay. Let’s look at scripture.

Turn to Jesus’s parable of the prodigal son. In it, the prodigal tells his dad he wishes he was dead. Then wastes his dad’s money on wild living. (Sound like college so far?) Look at what snaps him to his senses. Hunger.

“And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.

“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger!

I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you.”‘”

If all Christian parents agreed not to send their kids to college, the tuition money would dry up. Then the dean and the college trustees would call the atheist professor into a meeting. They’d tell him there’s just not money in the budget anymore for his salary.

He’d yell, “You can’t do this! I’m tenured.” The trustees would just sit there sternly and silently. The professor would slam the most recent issue of the Journal of Atheism and Veganism on the table. “I’m published,” he’d scream and gnash his teeth.

Then the dean would be like, “Sorry, Bill. Kids just aren’t coming to school to study philosophy anymore. They’re learning God is dead for free on Reddit.”

Then the professor would storm out of the dean’s office and crash into a harsh reality. He needs a paycheck to live. Trashing God and Christians doesn’t pay the bills outside of academia.

When hunger hits who’s going to provide for the unemployed atheist professor? John Maynard Keynes? When we stop sending our kids to college, not even the Loanshark-in-Chief, Obama Jiraha, can afford to feed our friend.

Hunger. It makes a man do crazy things. Like get a job that’s productive to society. And in that marketplace our professor will hear wisdom’s voice.

Wisdom points us to God because she lives in reality. God made reality. In reality, you need to do something productive just to live. Academia is a shelter from reality.

Is there proof of God? Who needs proof when you have something more powerful? His wisdom. Wisdom tells you how to feed yourself in real life. It’s God’s meal ticket for us.

The thumping and squeaking of the atheist’s marker on a whiteboard cannot disprove God because what it writes cannot tell man even how to feed himself.

Like I said. We are all animals who go to where we get fed.

And who pays for that white board and its markers? Those who live and work in God’s reality. Those who prove God’s wisdom by becoming so successful in life they amass enough extra money to write a $120,000 check for their kid’s “higher” education.

Its time for atheists to prove there is no God by disproving God’s wisdom in the Holy Bible. And the first challenge is hunger. Before you feed the world, feed yourself by yourself.

Hunger. The rumblings in the stomach stir a sympathetic wave in the soul. When your body is fed by the wisdom of God you look up to something greater than Solomon. The bread of life, Jesus Christ.

Right now, even after all that, some people are like, “Oh, Jimmy. That’s nice and all, but we need to send a message to Hollywood and make God’s Not Dead earn a lot of money at the box office.”

Pffft! I’ll send a message to Hollywood. It’s called hunger. And I’ll deliver it by never buying tickets to see a movie.

Besides. Why do we need to send a message to Hollywood by buying tickets for this particular movie?

I got a better idea.

How much do tickets cost? $12.00? Okay. How about you send me $12.00 and I’ll send a message to Hollywood? Hey, Hollywood, feedingjimmy.com’s not dead.

You can send your money conveniently from home by clicking this link to my Paypal donation page.

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One comment

  1. Mom says:

    Sorry we wasted our money on your education at BU.

    I am in a Bible study that includes two women who became Christians while attending secular colleges because they had Christian roommates. What would happen if Christians pulled themselves out of the world and became isolationists? The Bible points out while we are not to be OF this world, we are still IN the world. Deal with it.

    Converting a person to Christianity is not our mission. That is the job of the Holy Spirit. We should not elevate ourselves to that position. Our job is to proclaim the Gospel by whatever means is appropriate. If it is accepted is up to the Holy Spirit. Stranger things than an atheistic professor becoming a Christian has happened. Even if it doesn’t happen, it does not mean we should stop trying. Not everyone who listened to Jesus became a believer. He did not stop trying nor did he become an isolationist. In fact, he kept company with “sinners” while at the same time keeping up his integrity.

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