Women, Keep Silent in Church

The main difference between men and women is that women have breasts. The Bible says that a woman’s breasts are used to please her husband. “Rejoice in the wife of your youth … let her breasts fill you at all times with delight.” (Bible, page 452)

Now, in doing that, one thing leads to another, and then, eventually, that woman has a baby. And then the breasts are used to feed that baby. A woman’s own body is used for nutrition. Her breasts are used to nurture her baby.

Women care about nutrition. Women care about nutrition too much. In fact, women care about nutrition so much that the Bible says that they should be quiet at church and not say anything. They should learn in quietness and submission.
It says this on page 823: “As in all the churches of the saints, the women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says. If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church.”

Now some people are really angry at me now, I can tell. And here’s the thing. We’re in a day and age when just quoting the Bible is a really big crime. Especially in church.

I don’t mean to say these things to put anybody down. This is a challenge. This is meant to edify. Because the Bible says on page 889, “Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, only what is useful for building others up according to their needs.” I see a need and I want to build you up.

First off, I want to build up the men. This is a challenge. Men need to answer the call of duty, and stop playing the Call of Duty video game. They need to wake up from their naps, because a lot of women are like Debby. There’s this woman named Debby in the Bible. She was the Sarah Palin of her time. She stood up when men were busy playing, I don’t know, Call of Duty dreidel sets.

Women should be quiet because they care too much about nutrition and health food. The Bible has enough convicting things in it. You don’t need to add to it nagging things. Health food is a nagging thing, and I don’t want to hear about it at church.

Right now, some people are like, “Jimmy, what does health food have to do with women keeping quiet at church?”

Well that’s a good question. You need to look at page 852 of the Bible: “I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.”

And you need to look back on page 1 of the Bible to see what Eve was deceived about. She was deceived about fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

The world’s first health food.

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