Why I’m glad Obama hasn’t rescued the girls from Boko Haram

Screen Shot 2014-05-24 at 12.48.20 AMI’m glad President Barack Obama has done nothing to save those girls from Boko Haram. Now anyone with eyes can see for himself how immorally inept liberals are. And in that power vacuum, Christian Africans have a God-given chance to put on the white hat and sling some lead.

Some people are like, “Huh? Jimmy, what do you mean by white hat?”

I’m talking about in old western movies. The bad guys always wore black hats. They perpetrated acts of injustice and murder. The helpless victims cried out for justice. And when justice showed up he was wearing a white hat.

This white hat cowboy didn’t need a badge. He had a Colt .45.

And when the dust settled and the gun smoke cleared, there was the soft spoken white-hat cowboy, standing alone amidst the black-hat bandits slumped over with lifeless hands clinging their still chests.

And how did the townsfolk react? Did they lament gun violence and ask for a formally deputized officer of the law to enact meaningful gun control measures?

No. They cheered. For as it is written, “When the wicked perish, there are shouts of gladness.” (Proverbs 11:10)

And with that job done, the white-hat cowboy mounts his steed and with a final word to the widow says, “You won’t be paying ransom to the Babyface Bandit anymore ma’am. I busted the dam he built on the river to your ranch.”

“Dear, me. Bless your heart, Mr. White hat cowboy,” she pines, dabbing her eyes with her hankie.

He turns to the widow’s son.

“Son, thanks for getting my back when Babyface Reid had me cornered. I was as surprised as he was. You’re quite the marksman with that rifle.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Since you’re the man of the house now, I got you this.”

And he hands the boy his very own white cowboy hat. (How he hid a wide brimmed white cowboy hat in his saddle bag, I don’t know.) Finally, the cowboy lets out a holler to his horse and gallops off toward the setting sun.

Christians in Africa, take note. Our God is a God of justice. Until you put on your own white hat, your land will be a quagmire of lawless acts of violence and theft.

As David, God’s warrior king, sang in the spirit of God:

“He rescued me from my strong enemy
and from those who hated me,
for they were too mighty for me.” (Psalm 18:17)

“For you save a humble people,
but the haughty eyes you bring down.


I pursued my enemies and overtook them,
and did not turn back till they were consumed.
I thrust them through, so that they were not able to rise;
they fell under my feet.
For you equipped me with strength for the battle;
you made those who rise against me sink under me.
You made my enemies turn their backs to me,
and those who hated me I destroyed.
They cried for help, but there was none to save;
they cried to the Lord, but he did not answer them.
I beat them fine as dust before the wind;
I cast them out like the mire of the streets. (Psalm 18:27-42″

Here’s a warning for you African Christians, too. There’s a hat worse than the black hats of marauding bandits. It’s the blue hats of godless liberals here to “help.”

Some people right now are like, “Jimmy, that story is so quaint. You think the world is still cowboys and Indians? No. It’s the twenty first century. That’s not how the world works anymore.”

Oh, it’s not how the world works anymore!? What changed? Did bad guys all get together say to themselves, “Hey, it’s the twenty first century. Let’s stop stealing and murdering. Instead let’s direct our energy toward investing in green technologies.”

Right now some people are like, “Jimmy, stop it. You know what we mean. This is a modern world. There’s no place for vigilantism.”

Vigilantism?! That disgusts me that you liberals think finding your own kidnapped daughter for yourself is vigilantism.

And that’s just how you characterized Africans who took it upon themselves to do something for themselves. Look at this article: “Vigilante groups killing suspected Boko Haram militants in Nigeria after kidnapping of 270 schoolgirls.”

Guess what liberals. You cannot be a vigilante in a lawless land. If you take a rifle and go out to right a wrong, you are the law.

And that’s why I tell Africans the blue hats are worse than the black hats. Because the crimes of the black hats are immediately recognized and universally condemned. For example Boko Haram kidnapping girls. But the crimes of the blue hats are insidiously dangerous because they appear beneficial. And the blue hats carry a badge.

Liberals are obsessed with badges. They think the badge itself has power and authority. But they ignore the weapons of the vigilantes whose sense of justice granted that badge its authority.

Take for example the most powerful badge of earth. The seal of the United States of America. Why does that badge have power? Because a group of vigilantes fought for justice against a king who wore a black crown. It was the muskets of General George Washington’s Continental Army that gave that badge authority. On July 4, 1776, he became a vigilante.

Before Washington, vigilantes called Minutemen took aim with their muskets against Indians in order to secure their own survival on this continent. In fact, the only reason the British colonies had a foothold here at all is because of the musket of Captain Myles Standish.

Myles Standish wasn’t a vigilante per se. He served the king of England. But the throne in England itself was secured by Christians who, rising from lawless disorder, wielded the sword for the cause of justice against the Vikings (a more worthy opponent than Boko Haram IMHO). Take for example Alfred the Great.

And that’s what Africa needs. It’s own Alfred the Great, George Washington, or Myles Standish. Yet every time an African summons the gumption to put on the white hat, along come the blue hats to condemn gun violence.

And that’s why I’m happy Barack Obama has done nothing to save the kidnapped girls. The crimes of Boko Haram are so detestable that an African will slap on his white hat and sling some lead without the vindication of a badge. And the order provided by that justice will be the slab foundation for African society to build on.

For it is written, “the throne is established by righteousness.” (Proverbs 16:12)

Right now some people are like, “Jimmy, are you a veteran or a cop or something?”

No. Why?

And they’re like, “Just as I thought. This is just a bunch of tough talk. It’s disgusting how you advocate violence in the name of God. You want to start a holy war that you won’t even fight in.”

Excuse me, liberals. I’m not advocating violence. It’s not like there’s a whole array of solutions to Africa’s problems and of those, violence is just one answer that we want to avoid.

Gun violence is a given among any people in any land. You cannot avoid it. The only variable is who will win the showdown. The white hats or the black hats?

And by the way, if you think mere talk is deplorable, what about our Commander-in-Chief? He bears the badge of the presidency. And he thinks that badge together with his swarthy skin gives his speeches power to stop a nuclear bomb.

He’s sending out twitter hashtags against Boko Haram! That’s great. If only we had twitter in ‘Nam, then maybe John Kerry could have live-tweeted the conflict. Hashtags could have saved him from three Purple Hearts.

John Kerry is another talk-only blue hat. Just give him a badge. That’s all he needs to pair with his perfectly coiffed hair. His mere words can broker peace with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad!

Do you see how dangerous these blue hat dudes are? They see people obey the badge and they think it has power. Here’s a clue. Only fellow white hats respect the badge.

The only metal that black-hats respect is lead.

Yet the blue hats rush to the showdown between the black hat and the white hat and treat the gun the white hat holds like it was the criminal. All hats look gray to a blue hat.

Furthermore, the blue hat is wide brimmed. It’s big enough to cover a black hat if a bad guy wanted to take his crimes to the next level.

Right now some people are like, “Jimmy, enough with this blue hat talk! Wtf do you mean by it anyway?”

Ever see a United Nations peacekeeper? Then you’ve seen a blue hat.

un uninvolved in peace




End note

Before I go, I just want to take a shot at soup kitchen Christians. They go over to Africa and think the answer to everything is to build a school for girls. Here’s their three step plan (to borrow a meme from South Park):

1. Build a school for girls
2. ????
3. Successful society

No. At its best, a school for girls will give them more literate means to describe how much their third world country sucks. At its worst, a school for girls will collect them all in one spot and leave them vulnerable to mass kidnappings.

The best thing Christianity can offer a society is a God-given standard of justice. Jesus gives his followers white hats. Whether or not they wear a badge or sling a gun.

The headdress of Islam is the black towel head of injustice.

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