Why are So many Kids Obese if So Many are Hungry?

Why are so many kids obese

“Let’s Move,” says Michelle Obama. The nation’s obese kids do the truffle shuffle.

Michelle Obama starves school kids with a meager school lunch program to combat obesity. Then she takes money right out of your pay check to feed the nation’s hungry with WIC, EBT cards, and food stamps. Does anyone else notice this obvious contradiction? Why are so many kids obese if so many are hungry?

You’ve heard the stats. 1 in 5 kids are hungry.  Then they say 1 in 5 are obese. So what is it? Are American kids hungry or obese? The answer is both. In fact, our research here at feedingjimmy.com proves the hungry are the very obese!

But I, the modern day embodiment of Somolon’s Wisdom, can solve both the obesity problem and the hunger problem in one fell swoop. Eliminate welfare. How can this work? First, it would help to understand how the United States government classifies kids as either obese or hungry.

You and I understand an obese kid to be a rotund tub of doughy fat. But the government can’t make such a qualitative judgement. It, like any heartless bureaucracy, must rely on quantitative statistics. So what kids are statistically obese? Those whose weight is well above the average for their height, known as body mass index, BMI. It’s just two numbers, height and weight.

When we’re cajoled into paying tax dollars to help feed the hungry, we’re led to believe the walking skeletons in Sally Struthers commercials live in the next town over. But again, the government only knows statistics. You can’t measure hunger. Not even the metric system has such a standard. What would it be? Pangs per minute? The Feds are left to measure household income. They assume that any family who is poor is therefore hungry.

Federal agents don’t go to poor peoples’ homes to count the McDonalds bags on the floor of their blinged-out BMWs. They don’t go to the fatherless dinner table to weigh the slices of Dominoes. And they sure don’t measure the amount of Cool Ranch Doritos eaten by the poor as they sit in front of their 52″ flatscreen. They look at their paycheck. Or lack thereof.

The statistical obese are not actually obese. They are just big boned. The statistical hungry are not actually hungry. They manage to spend other people’s money to feed themselves. But the actual obese, the blubbery creatures who deserve scorn, they are the poor in America, fed by welfare. The actual obese are the statistical hungry.

This is what happens when a nation rejects the wisdom of the Bible. Do you know that the Bible prohibits welfare for able bodied men? The rule is “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” (Bible, 2 Thessalonians 3:10)

Some people right now are like, “Jimmy, that’s great you use the Bible to justify hatred and condemn everything. How about you offer a sensible solution for obesity and hunger.”

Okay. You know my Bible-based meal plan, The Livet? (Rule number one is eat whatever you want and don’t feel guilty about it.) Well, when you’re on the Livet and you’re on a budget, as you walk up and down the aisles of Stop & Shop, you instinctively select the foods that are the most nutrient dense. If you see Oreos you might throw them into your cart. Nothing wrong with Oreos. Except they are like $5.00 a bag. When you go by the rotisserie chickens which are also $5.00, you put the Oreos back. That five spot is better spent on juicy chicken. You get the most nutrient bang for your buck.

But the EBT card holder doesn’t need to decide between Oreos and rotisserie chicken. His priority is to spend the EBT money, not save it. Instead of instinctively selecting the most amount of nutrients per dollar, he selects the most luxurious items per shopping spree, such as pre-cooked lobsters. Stop & Shop becomes the Nordic Lodge.

With a cart full of items of low nutritional value, the kids in the family suffer obesity. Especially when the parents set the example for physical activity by not working. (Hey, if you make money, you get booted off the welfare bandwagon.) On top of all this, these kids are fed health food at school, which isn’t healthy and isn’t food. No wonder these kids are fat!

If you want to eliminate obesity, end welfare.

Some people go into convulsions when I say that. They’re like, “Jimmy, how are the poor going to eat?”

The Bible has the solution, “The hunger of the worker drives him on.” (Bible, Proverbs 16:26) If the EBT card suddenly turned into a worthless piece of plastic, it’s holder would actually feel real hunger. The discomfort would cause him to do something drastic. Like get a job. With steady employment, his income would rise. Then he wouldn’t be statistically poor and the US government wouldn’t count him as hungry.

Like I said, if you want to eliminate hunger, end welfare.

“Like” feedingjimmy.com on facebook to learn how Jimmy and his kids are both obese and hungry.

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2 comments

  1. Dave says:

    Great idea but how does a 3 year old kid get a job these days?

  2. Rob Madden says:

    I’m lovin your posts, Jimmy!

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