Whatever happened to the search for MH370?

Screen Shot 2014-05-20 at 12.59.14 AMWhatever happened to the urgent search for MH370? It kinda fizzled out. I wrote the following in the days after its disappearance, while the whole world was still glued to their smart phones refreshing their newsfeeds.

The disappearance of MH370 makes apparent the inherent failures of liberalism.  The first failure of liberalism is laziness. You see this in how America abdicated its role as highly advanced super power.  The second failure of liberalism is the willful delusion of multiculturalism.

On the night of the plane’s disappearance, our smartphones chimed with the headline, “plane missing.”

We who went to sleep without reading further, woke in the morning to confirm our suspicions. Muslims. And we had to read deep in the article.

Here’s how the headline should have read: “Plane from Muslim country, piloted by Muslims, with stowaway Muslims cuts radar contact.”

But multiculturalism demands that liberals see every culture as equal. So this massive search wasn’t for the missing plane. Nope. Liberals were searching for an explanation that absolved the Muslims from guilt.

Liberals insist to themselves that it’s just as likely Tea Party conservative Christians hijacked the plane as Muslims. BTW, why would the Tea Party hijack a plane? To fly it to a income-tax free island and homeschool the hostages, of course.

Right now some of you readers are like, “Jimmy, have you ever heard of innocent until proven guilty?”

Sounds familiar. Is that the legal principle coined by Muslim clerics? Wait, no. They are the ones splashing battery acid in women’s faces accused of adultery.

Innocent until proven guilty is a legal term coined by white Anglo Saxon Protestants. But we can’t give white Christians credit, can we?

Furthermore, this term is a legal term. The courts presume innocence. But investigators of crimes must pursue suspicions. At least for no other reason than to absolve innocent parties of any wrong doing.

There’s a whole spectrum of reasons of why the plane vanished from radar. But only a baby believes an object doesn’t exist if you don’t see it. That’s why peek-a-boo blows lil baby Phil Phil’s mind.

Liberals prove how infantile their minds are. They would rather believe a black hole swallowed  the aircraft than admit a Muslim committed a large scale act of violence.

So instead of pursuing an obviously well founded suspicion against a Muslim pilot and a coverup by a Muslim jungle county, we are left searching for a needle in a hay stack.

By the way, to be quite honest, finding a needle in a haystack is wicked easy. Just burn the hay stack down. Comb through the ashes and there’s your needle.

Some of you paused for a moment to marvel at how clever my solution is. Then when you realize what I might actually mean by it, you’re horrified.

I’m not joking around. A plane is a weapon in the wrong hands. The plane’s disappearance is a chance for the Commander in Chief to put an ultimatum out there that if any bad guys took the plane, then a bunch more planes would be coming after them.

This tactic worked well for George W. Bush. After 9/11, he told the world if you’re not for us, you’re against us. Then our military launched strikes against the Taliban and then Saddam Hussein. And look what happened. Muammar Gaddafi gave up his chemical weapons and started playing nice with the U.S.

Huh. Interesting. By the way, do you smell something fishy with the Malaysian government? They contradicted their own accounts of final radar contact, first claiming it was near Vietnam then admitting they tracked the plane back over the Malaysian mainland.

And they sure took their time to secure the pilots’ personal effects and question their friends and relatives. Jinkies. That’s like a clue in itself.

What if America went in there and ran a roughshod investigation over Malaysia? Suspecting everybody. Kinda like a combination of Columbo and Walker, Texas Ranger. What would happen?

Remember how I said to find a needle in a haystack you just need to burn it down? Here’s a little secret. When you walk over to the haystack with a butane torch the haystack coughs the needle up for you. Just like Gaddafi.

Imagine Columbo Walker fumbling around with his coffee thermos in the Malaysian presidential palace saying, “I’m sorry let me just get this one last thing straight before I leave. Did you Malaysians say you had final radar detection over the Yellow Sea?”

One Malaysian leader says yes at the same time another says no.

“Ah, I see,” says Columbo Walker as he puts down his thermos and newspaper and walks over to be Malaysian leaders and starts roundhouse kicking them in the face.

The Malaysian leaders fearfully run in all directions like ninjas without the cover of a smoke bomb. When they see they cannot overcome or outrun Columbo Walker’s roundhouse kicks or bumbling questions they surrender.

“Oh, so sorry. So sorry. We tell you what happen. Plane held ransom by pilot. He say we release opposition leader. We say no. He say Allahu Akbar. Splash. So sorry.”

“You know for a fact that plane went splash?”

“Uh, we tink so.”

“You ‘tink’ so?” Columbo walker raises his leg as if to roundhouse kick.

“We no know! We no know!”

“Dang it.” Columbo walker says through clenched teeth. He grabs his thermos, presses a button, and it whines up like a jet turbine. He holds it overhead and he takes flight crashing through the window while dangling by the handle.

After the glass settles the Malaysian leaders sigh with relief.

Just then Columbo walker crashes back into the room through another window.

“Just one more question before I leave,” he says, hovering in the middle of the room. “There were some stowaways with fake passports on that flight. What country were they from?”


“Hhhm. You don’t think the kidnappers were hijacked, do you?  Do me a favor and call my secretary and tell her to call the Ayatollah. Let him know I’m going to pay him a visit.”

And Columbo walker crashes through a third window flying by thermos towards the setting sun.

You see how easy that was? Just a few roundhouse kicks is all it took. Mystery solved.

But here’s the problem: our liberal American government didn’t send Columbo Walker Texas Ranger to ask questions and throw around some roundhouse kicks.

They sent one battleship to kinda tag along in the search for a needle in a haystack. That battleship had one clearly defined mission. Don’t make the Malaysians or the Chinese look bad.

Like I said, Liberals are searching straw by straw through an ocean sized haystack. The needle here isn’t the missing plane. The needle is some glimmer of hope that jungle dwelling Muslims stand on equal footing with Christian countries.

They’re still looking.

At the beginning of this article I claimed that the missing airplane also proved the inherent laziness of liberals. Unfortunately this article is late enough as it is.  I will need to prove that point later. Uhhh I don’t know when. Some other time if I get around to it.

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