The Rats Eat Michelle Obama’s School Lunch #ThankYouMichelleObama


You know what I say about health food. It isn’t healthy and it isn’t food. I scornfully put quotes around “heath” and then around “food” then nest those quotes inside another set of quotes and I write ““health”“food.””

Now there’s another dimension to the health food stupidity of godless liberals. And it’s the same thing that turns all liberal dreams into real-life nightmares: unintended consequences.

KCBS in San Francisco reports today that schools who implemented Michelle Obama’s “healthy” school lunch are plagued by rats. According to liberals on location, the public schools do not have the infrastructure needed to support a large amount of fresh foods. Nor can they handle the huge amount of waste generated by its rejection.

Infrastructure Problem

Ah, infrastructure. You know what that word means? Liberals demand a huge expenditure of money, and they disguise their excessiveness with a word that sounds so responsible and efficient: Infrastructure.

Did you know that we used to have an infrastructure that fed kids at school? Yup. It was efficient, reliable, and featured edible food packed with nutrients such as fat, salt, and cholesterol.

The food was processed and stored in such a way that you wouldn’t have a noteworthy rodent problem. Do rats chew through cans? No. So you can store food in cans easily in shelves, off the floor.

This system, developed over decades, did not inherently attract rats.

But according to the women’s health magazines Michelle Obama reads, carrots in a can are not as healthy as dirt-encrusted carrots just pulled from a manure-fertilized urban garden.

So she snaps her fingers in a z-pattern and pronounces that by the power vested in her granted by the United States Constitution, all schools in the country must hereby offer its students fresh carrots.

And so all of America’s schools go through the trouble and expense to truck in raw carrots. And rats.

How do raw carrots cause rats?

Have you ever been to a produce center? I used to go to the New England Produce center and the Boston Market. They are Boston’s two main warehouses for fresh fruit and vegtables. It’s where most stores and restaunts get their produce.

You know it, right? Over there by King Arthur’s court? (It’s a seedy strip club/motel.)

You go over the Tobin bridge, get off and drive through the slummed out El Barrio. Watch out for druggies stumbling out of their triple deckers and into the road. Then go towards the natural gas power plant. The pavement will run out and you’ll go down a rough dirt road past a bunch of abandoned old industrial buildings.

You could pretty much follow your nose to the spoiled onion smell. But just so you know, turn between the two scrap metal junk yards. And there you are! Welcome to Greater Boston’s home for fresh fruit and vegetables.

In this old train depot, amid the hustle and bustle of jalopy trucks backing up to open-air loading docks, are Mrs. Obama’s fresh carrots.

50 pounds of carrots are bundled in mesh bags, and stacked 5 feet high on a mildewed wooden pallet which is pushed into a corner over a standing puddle.

I can’t say I’ve seen rats at this produce center. But when I’m there, I’m too busy making sure I don’t get stabbed or robbed. The warehouse workers all know eachother from prison. That’s pretty much how you get a reference to work there.

There are two good things I can say about Boston’s produce center. First, the pinkie-ringed salesmen will make you a great deal on produce sold by the pallet or by the box. Cash talks. Big time.

Second, it’s a great joy as a trucker to run over fruit spilled on the filthy, muddy ground in between the buildings. Watermellons burst like turtles. Kiwis burst like mice. The really large kiwis burst like rats.

Wait! Maybe I have seen rats there!

So anyway, I don’t know if your picking up on the picture I’m painting here. But fresh fruit and vegetables go through a heck of a ride before they get to the school lunch tray. So the fact that carrots would bring rats with them for the ride wouldn’t surprise anyone who’s seen the sausage making of fresh vegetable making.

The 50-pound bag of Prevention

Are there any safeguards we can take to prevent rats from riding along with the carrots?

Yup. We can submerge the carrots in boiling hot water and stuff them in a can.

Oh wait. That’s called processing. It renders the carrot “unhealthy.”

One comment

  1. […] And how about transporting those veggies? They are stacked in damp cardboard boxes, loaded in a dark trailer, and trucked to the restaurant. (I share some stories hauling produce here.) […]

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