Two weeks after the Newtown Massacre, the National Rifle Association held a press conference where its vice president, Wayne LaPierre, preached the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Whether he knew it or not, I don’t know. Sometimes the best preachers don’t even know it. But Mr. LaPierre preached the Gospel when he said, “The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.”
Satan is a bad guy with a gun, Jesus is a good guy with a gun. I don’t need to tell you who wins the standoff, you can flip to the last page of the Bible and read for yourself. (SPOILER ALERT: It’s Jesus.) But how he wins is a message of good news for each one of us. It’s a message whose crux is the cross.
Barack Obama and his voters oppose this message, btw. After the Newtown Massacre, your president addressed the nation, telling us we need to “come together to take meaningful action to prevent more tragedies like this.” He and the Democrat party are telling you that gun control will prevent massacres.
This is a LIE!
Massacres happened before assault weapons or any fire arm were even invented. (For example, King Herod killed all boys under two when Jesus was born. Matthew 2:16) Therefore, seizing assault weapons from free citizens will not prevent massacres from occurring.
The only way to prevent massacres is to kill every evil man and, in fact, kill evil itself.
Given our current budget woes, can Obama really commit the United States government to exterminating evil? With all the ammunition that the Department of Homeland Security is buying, you’d think they’re at least going to attempt it. But how can they tell who is evil? Can Obama appoint a blue ribbon panel to judge each man’s heart? No. They lack that discernment. That’s why you see President Gungrabber giving assault weapons to Mexican drug lords and Muslim warlords.
A few of you right now are like, “Jimmy, if the U.S. government wanted to eliminate evil, they should blow themselves up. Hehehe.”
Uhh. You know, I am not going to agree with you there, bro. I understand what you’re saying. I know it’s just a joke. But given the sensitive nature of this subject, I think that it could be taken the wrong way. Thanks.
You know what? Jesus Christ alone can blow up evil without also blowing himself up. Jesus Christ alone can discern between good men and evil men. Jesus alone commands enough resources to execute evil. Read his parable of the fish net:
“The Kingdom of Heaven is like a fishing net that was thrown into the water and caught fish of every kind. When the net was full, they dragged it up onto the shore, sat down, and sorted the good fish into crates, but threw the bad ones away. That is the way it will be at the end of the world. The angels will come and separate the wicked people from the righteous, throwing the wicked into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Do you understand all these things?” (Matthew 13:47-51)
By the end of the world, you will see Jesus wearing a crown and armed with a sword, which is an assault weapon. Jesus is a good guy with a gun. If you argue that gun ownership is immoral, you imply that Jesus Christ is immoral.
Imagine a world without Assault Weapons.
Banning assault weapons appeals to our deep desire to live in a world without violent crime or violent wars. That day of peace will come. But only through Jesus Christ. The Bible predicts it in Isaiah 2:4:
The Lord will mediate between nations
and will settle international disputes.
They will hammer their swords into plowshares
and their spears into pruning hooks.
Nation will no longer fight against nation,
nor train for war anymore.
That day does not come by our efforts to ban certain types of assault weapons. That day comes after another day, and you can read about it by flipping back just one page in your Bible to Isaiah 1:28:
Zion will be restored by justice;
those who repent will be revived by righteousness.
But rebels and sinners will be completely destroyed,
and those who desert the Lord will be consumed.
It’s God’s destruction of evil that obviates the need for any weapons or warfare. Until that day I will not disarm, nor will I consent to the revocation of our Constitution’s Second Amendment.
Gun Control is not a matter of piety. It’s a matter of gullibility. Banning assault weapons does not spring from compassion. It springs from ignorance. Furthermore, it springs from ignorance of God’s standard of righteousness. Therefore it’s against the gospel.
A lot of people right now are like, “Jimmy, that’s disgusting.”
And I’m like, “What? You think the Gospel of Jesus Christ is disgusting?”
And they’re like, “No! It’s disgusting that you think the Gospel has anything to do with guns. It’s about the cross and stuff.”
Thanks for proving my point. The cross symbolizes the fact that the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.
Why does everyone’s face look so incredulous? It’s like you’re expecting this post to go from bad to worse.
Okay, okay. What did Jesus do on the cross? He died.
Paul, in his letter to the Colossians, writes that Jesus Christ “disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross.” (Colossians 2:15) How can a painful, humiliating execution at the hand of the Roman Empire, at the behest of Jewish leaders, be considered by Paul the Apostle to be a victory that humiliates and disarms the Devil?
Jesus clues us in when he warned his disciples about evil men: “And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” (Matthew 10:28)
Remember, Satan is a bad guy with a gun. The power of this gun extends only to the point it can shut down a man’s central nervous system. That is to say physical death. On the cross Jesus took that bullet by dying. Three days later, he rose from the dead to a new balance of power in the universe. Satan was a toothless tiger! By rising from the dead, death no longer could kill Jesus again.
To this point, the Gospel message sounds stupid to some of yous. I can tell. It’s probably because you’re still dead in your sin. The Bible says “For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” (I Corinthians 1:18)
You gun-grabbers walk around like you’re so wise and modern. You dismiss the Bible as a foolish bronze age fairy tale. But the Bible isn’t the one that says we should limit the number of bullets in a gun to 11 from 30 and somehow that will magically eliminate violent crime. You are. Gun control won’t work and it never will. So truly, who is the fool?
If you really want to understand the Gospel, I can break through your ignorance but only by the power of the Holy Spirit. Do you have faith in God? Not faith in some nice Care Bear quality you think represents a vague notion of God. I’m talking bloody Jesus on the cross God. The only God in reality. Do you want faith in that God? If so, read on.
What bothers yous about the Gospel to this point is that you just do not get why Jesus had to die on the cross. If Jesus has all these weapons why couldn’t he just blow Satan up?
The fact is, Christ did not need to die on the cross. At any moment he wanted, Jesus could have blown up the Devil and all evil in the universe. And really, who could stop him? No one.
To understand the Gospel, which is the Old English word for “good news,” you need to understand the “bad news,” or the New English word Baspel. It’s new because I just made it up.
Hear the Bad News of the Baspel!
The Baspel sounds just like the Gospel, as described by the NRA. It goes like this: The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.
Guess what! You’re a bad guy with a gun.
God created man with free will along with creative powers of his own. We’ve each chosen to use these creative powers in disobedience to God’s will. That’s called sin. The sin isn’t that we’ve made swords, bombs, or high capacity assault weapons. It’s that we’ve used these things for evil purposes such as theft, murder, injustice and rebellion.
We must admit that the evil on display at the Newtown massacre dwells in every one of our hearts to some degree. Violent crime is born from hatred. Of hatred, Jesus says if you harbor it in your heart against another man, you are guilty of murder. That’s the strict and lofty standard that Jesus will use to judge us. Our hearts. Not whether we own a modern firearm.
Some deny the existence of the spirit. Okay. So let’s talk about DNA instead. Looking only at the physical world can we draw any conclusion besides that mankind is wicked? Look at generations past and tell me if there is hope for man’s future.
Not many of us use firearms to massacre or commit crime. But we all have ancestors who did. For example, my U.S. Senator, Elizabeth Warren, claimed to be a Native American Indian. In verifying this outlandish claim, opposition researchers explored her genealogy. They discovered that one of her great-grandfathers served in the Tennessee Militia made famous by Democrat Andrew Jackson. This group used superior firepower to annihilate Cherokee Indians in Tennessee. Then they further decimated Cherokee on the infamous Trail of Tears. Genocide! (source)
Before you revel in this vicious irony, let’s not lose the point. Let me ask you, how many generations do we need to go back before we find a violent criminal who shares your DNA? Do you have any murderous uncles? How about Uncle Cain who killed Abel? If Cain wasn’t your uncle then he was your great-grandfather. (Well more like great^128 grandfather.)
There is no one mentally well among us. No, not one.
In lieu of massacres such as Newtown, many point a finger at mental illness, including the NRA. Mental Illness euphemistically expresses our disgust that our brains just don’t function like we want them too. This malfunction stems from sin.
But who’s kidding who? We all are mentally ill to some extent. Even the most compassionate, upstanding citizens pop out babies who grow up to be psychopathic monsters. Even if they are not spanked. (Especially if they are not spanked.)
You don’t want to admit the spiritual heart of all humans contains great evil. Okay, the DNA of homo sapiens bears the blue print of “mental illness” that cannot be bred out. Can science solve this problem? LOL! Science can’t even tell us what to eat.
With no future, and a disgusting past now you understand why God cannot tolerate humans and must exterminate us. He did it before with Noah’s flood and he’ll do it again with hell fire.
And that’s the Baspel.
We are Satan’s hostage. Not that the Devil kidnapped us and chained us up in his basement against our will. No, he called us up at dinner time and asked if we wanted to gain wisdom. He recruited us into his army to rebel against God. We agreed then we enlisted. This act of rebellion brought death into our race, infecting our very DNA, and polluting our spirit.
For God to just blow up the Devil and his fortress means that you and I are collateral damage. But deservedly so.
Jesus is a Terminator Robot on a mission. A mission to terminate evil human beings. He must pull the trigger of his high capacity assault rifle with your head in the cross-hairs. He’s programmed to do so. (In this analogy the computer program that the Jesus Terminator robot runs is holiness. Actually it’s not an analogy because it’s not analog. It’s digital. So it’s a digitalogy.)
If you beg and plead for Jesus to just not pull the trigger, he’s gonna be like, “No way, Jose.” In fact, the trigger is already pulled. The bullet is hurtling toward you at supersonic speeds delivering what you and your human race deserve.
Are you ready for the good news now?
Prompted by his own love, Jesus Christ jumps in front of that very same bullet the he himself shot. That bullet is the penalty for sin. It must strike the human race. Jesus is a human being. The death from this bullet goes further than just to shut down the central nervous system. When Jesus Christ died on the cross, he bore God’s hell fire wrath.
“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” (2 Peter 2:24)
And like the Devil’s bullet, its effect ended when Jesus rose from the dead.
This is good news for us, bro. Now we finally have a legitimate means by which we can surrender and abandon the Satanic rebel forces.
The Devil cannot shoot deserters. His weapon no longer works. God can accept our surrender because his bullet of punishment has already been discharged and consumed in the grave. Christ’s resurrection provides us means to join God’s victory parade.
The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. The next level meaning here is that Jesus, a good guy with a gun, stops us from being bad guys.
Repent of your sin. Surrender to Jesus Christ. Because there still is another next level meaning here. The extermination of evil must continue after the allowed time for surrendering expires. Thus, Jesus is like an ED-209 robot. He commands us to “Repent and believe in God’s only son Jesus. You have 20 seconds to comply. 19,18,17…”
Except Jesus doesn’t malfunction like the ED-209 robot. And he can walk down stairs. This is an allusion to the movie Robocop. Which, now that I think about it, isn’t the best analogy. (digitalogy.) If you haven’t seen that movie don’t bother. It’s too violent. The irony here is that the gun-grabbers entertain themselves with disgusting, violent movies. But I, a Christian who defends gun ownership for real life self defense, am labeled the sicko. Who’s the fool?
So don’t squander your chance to leave the bad guy ranks. God will wield deadly, eternally damning assault weapons against the ungodly when the countdown ends. So let me conclude with a Psalm where David prophetically sings about Jesus gearing up with assault weapons. (Am I taking this out of context?)
God is a righteous judge,
and a God who feels indignation every day.
If a man does not repent, God will whet his sword;
he has bent and readied his bow;
he has prepared for him his deadly weapons,
making his arrows fiery shafts.
Behold, the wicked man conceives evil
and is pregnant with mischief
and gives birth to lies.
He makes a pit, digging it out,
and falls into the hole that he has made.
His mischief returns upon his own head,
and on his own skull his violence descends.
I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness,
and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High. (Psalm 7:11-17)