Tag Archive for roman empire

Does Scottish Independence Fulfill Bible Prophesy?

Does the Scottish vote for independence fulfill Bible end-times prophecy? Some people think I may have jumped the shark asking this. Yea, I’m amazed at myself for asking this too.

Look, no one takes a more sardonic approach to eschatology than me. I love my Christian brothers, but sometimes they are too eager to believe that current events fulfill certain apocalyptic prophecies. I consider it my duty to make fun of those ideas… in love.

And so previously, when a Bible teacher would suggest that the European Union was the resurrection of the Roman Empire, I would scoff. “Pssh! The Roman Empire went as far north as Hadrian’s wall. Since Scotland is part of the EU, you’re wrong, sir. Wrong. WRONG!”

Then I would look for something to pound repeatedly as I yell “wrong!”

But today the Telegraph reported that the yes vote for Scottish independence is gaining ground. If Scotland votes to secede from the United Kingdom, and therefore the European Union, that would make Hadrian’s wall the EU’s northern boarder. Whoa!

Right now it occurred to me that the actual stone wall that makes Hardian’s wall may not lie coincidentally with the borders of modern day Scotland. I’m prepared for some Scottish or Roman history pedant to correct me.

But the remarkable point here is not the exact lines of the border. What’s remarkable is that the iron of the Roman Empire failed to conquer the fiery redheads of the third century highlands. And now the clay of the European Union may prove too brittle for the stingy highlanders of the 21st century to suffer.

Some people right now are like, “Huh, what do you mean clay of the European Union.”

What I’m talking about is Daniel’s prophetic interpretation of Nebucanezzar’s dream of the statue. In it he predicted a future empire with legs of iron and feet of clay that did not mix with the iron. He predicted Rome.

And what else could be brittle and weak as clay besides liberalism? The Roman Empire went soft with its bread and circus. The United Kingdom went soft with its Obamacare, or as they call it “NHS run amok.”

I don’t know if “run amok” is officially part of the title. But they never mention NHS without saying it’s run amok.

Look, the Scots have deep pockets. And short arms. They are fed up with paying for England’s chavs to have their genital warts removed. The scots say to themselves, “Oi! If the filthy Londoners would stop buying Burburry hats, they could pay to treat their own venereal diseases!”

And so they want independence. Who can blame them? The city of the Westminster catechism doesn’t want to pay to remove the genital warts of chavs!

Guys, I don’t even know if that’s the reason why Scotland wants independence. I’m just guessing. The thing is that the borders of the old Roman Empire coming back.

Right now some people are like, “Jimmy, if Scotland became independent, they would still try to join the EU.”

They might, but the EU wouldn’t let them. They don’t want to set a precedent. If Spain agreed to an independent Scotland, then all those little nations wanting to be like Andorra would try to secede. Denmark would lose Legoland!

Right now some people are like, “Jimmy, where does it say in the Bible that Scotland will break from the UK?”

It doesn’t. You guys aren’t understanding me. Listen.

In the book of Revelations it talks about Babylon. But the thing is that Babylon wasn’t around when the Book of Revelations was written. Babylon was used by early Christians as a code word for the Roman Empire.

But now the Roman Empire isn’t around anymore either. So how do some Christians explain the book of Revelations if neither Babylon nor the Roman Empire exists anymore?

They say the European Union is the Roman Empire revived.

Now that Scotland looks to break away, and the old boundaries of the Roman Empire reemerge, is that explanation believable? Not yet. Next the capital of the EU would need to move to Rome and North Africa would need to be conquered by the EU.

Oh, and Libyan warlords would need to weaponize elephants.