Tag Archive for god

Okay, you’re thankful. But to whom?

George Washington's Thanksgiving Proclamation of 1789

George Washington’s Thanksgiving Proclamation of 1789 (via mountvernon.org)

Happy Thanksgiving, guys. I hope you’re having a good time with your friends and family. Perhaps you’re rattling off all the things you’re thankful for. That’s what this holiday is all about, right? To be thankful. And thankfully, we don’t need to think too hard to come up with a cornucopia of wonderful things that we Americans enjoy.

I just got one question. To whom are you thankful?

You grammar police are thankful I phrased this question correctly. I said “to whom are you thankful?” rather than “who are you thankful to?” Well, with that, I’m thankful I don’t have the grammar police harping on me right now.

So let’s continue using correct grammar, shall we? Read more

Why Do Republicans Push For Amnesty?

This week, if you listened to Rush Limbaugh, you heard him in agony, befuddled the question: Why do republicans push for amnesty? They are committing political suicide by pushing for amnesty! Guys, I can explain why. It’s because of He who lends Limbaugh his talent. God-dddddddddd.

Specifically, the Republicans push for amnesty to reject their association with God.

Don’t get the connection? You will by the end of this post. But first you need to understand the sociological and spiritual context of the USA.

Barack Obama hates God. And the Democrats rebel against God and everything he stands for. Now the problem with rebelling against God is that he’s too far away and too invisible to attack. So the ungodly are left to attack those who in their minds stand for God. And in the Democrats’ case, Republicans stand for God.

Some people right now are like, “Jimmy, you’ve jumped the shark. There’s no way the Republican buffoons are any thing like God.”

Yea, in real life they are not like God. But we’re not talking about IRL. We’re talking about the delusional minds of liberals.

The liberals imagine a straw man Republican. This filthy rich, white, obese man even looks like a pig in his dapper pinstriped suit. He lights huge cigars with wads of cash and laughs through the smoke, slapping the back of his rich power broker friends, recalling how they swindled the poor to line their own pockets.

To top it all off this jerk married a woman, got her pregnant, and didn’t give her the choice whether to carry it to term or not. Jerk.

Do you see how the straw man Republican puts a pejorative spin on God’s attributes? God is powerful. All powerful in fact. God is rich. He owns everything. God is successful. Even when they tried to kill his son, he used it to victory. Furthermore he rigged this world so that he alone has the secret plan for success. The Bible.

And to top it all off, God made woman to bear children. That is the greatest unfairness of all.

This is why when Obama decreed that woman shouldn’t pay for birth control, the Democrats took it as a slam against the Republicans. In real life, what does birth control have to do with the Republican Party? Nothing. But in the delusional mind of Democrats, it was a direct hit against God, represented by successful white men, on behalf of women, who unfairly get pregnant.

Don’t like what I’m saying? Neither do the Republicans. They don’t want to suffer the scorn of the ungodly. They yearn for a political system of cordial, honorable cooperation. Even when they are at odds with the Democrats, they want to swirl whiskey with them when the dust settles. They want to win the esteem of their opposition, like gentlemen on the 18th century battlefield, who shake hands and congratulate each other for a gallant fight.

They don’t care to win. If the Democrats are ice cream, they just want to be a different flavor. All that matters is that the juvenile in this country scream for them too. And invite them to star-studded galas. And speak glowingly of them on the evening news. And broadcast puff pieces about them on the E! Entertainment news after that. Oh, and that TMZ would lay off them.

The Republican’s problem is that the ungodly will never esteem God. So they wonder, “How can we shake this ‘God’ reputation we have and shift it to the Tea Party?”

And here’s how they do it. God is a God of Law. The Bible is full of rules. Life is full of rules that God wrote. The whole universe operates on rules, created by God to order everything. This extends from the highest heavens to the earth, to our society and personal lives. Law.

In our country, the essence of law is to be a citizen. Illegal aliens defy the law just by the nature of their existence. To advocate for amnesty would be to pass a law against Law, and so annihilate justice on behalf of “fairness.”

When the Republicans say they want amnesty they are saying they want the praise of Democrats above the honor of God. They want the will of man above the Law of God.

Amnesty is the death blow to their symbolic representation of God.

God doesn’t need to kill the Republican Party for denying him. By giving them what they want, they kill themselves.

“Like a muddied spring or polluted fountain is a righteous man who gives way before the wicked.” Proverbs 25:26

My Social Media Strategy

social media strategy

My social media strategy stinks. Typical of other aspects of my life, it’s a failure. (I am a failure at life.) Yet I don’t give up because of my faith and hope in God and his vindication. Until then, I feel called by God to bash my head against the wall with endurance and patience.

This is pretty preposterous I know. Everybody hates me, everybody hopes I die. This is true on twitter where I have over 1000 unfollowers. This is true on youtube where most of my videos go viral. (That is to say they make people sick and they avoid them.) This is true on Facebook where my wall is constructed of blocks. This is true on tumblr where bloggers ignore my questions and answer annon’s. This is especially true IRL. I ask people to checkout my website feedingjimmy.com. I never hear from them or see them again.

Why don’t I just give up on social media? Believe me, I’d love to. Except God revealed to me some amazing things in his Word. With it came a burning in my chest stronger than a Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Taco heartburn. Most days I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown. But a positive nervous breakdown.

I must get this message out. And social media is a MEDIUM for information. My failures to this point will do nothing but prove that any traction I get from now on comes from God.

I must convey this message through any MEDIUM at my disposal. Including twitter, youtube, Facebook, tumblr and IRL. Especially IRL. So many of us are sick of hunching over a small illuminated screen at all hours of the day and night. Would you like to look into my eyes – in person – as I teach you about the food eating freedom that we have in Jesus Christ?

We’re all tired of the snide, drunken cynicism on twitter. We’re all tired of the pretentious, guilt-ridden scrapbooking on Facebook. We’ve had enough of the psudo-intellectual heel biting on tumblr. (not to mention porn. what’s wrong with these kids on tumblr. They have interior design posts then suddenly a pornographic image. Oh, sorry. It’s art.) Pinterest? I’m not even sure I’m allowed to log onto there. It’s like that magazine Real Simple. They don’t really make it clear if it’s just for women or not. youtube. I’m not going to say anything bad about youtube. But I’m sure that some people somewhere are tired of it. I guess the most sickening thing there is the shameless self promotion.

Ok. But if I use all these social media for the purpose of conveying the Gospel of Jesus Christ then LOOK OUT. And I mean the actual Gospel. Not this liberal nonsense that gets spread around today. That’s my new social media strategy. Make every thought captive and obedient to Christ. And also to emphasize this message IRL.

Gay Marriage is Wrong

Same sex marriage is wrong

It’s amazing that the same society that bases itself on Science is too stupid to tell the difference between a woman’s vagina and a man’s anus. But here we are handing out marriage licenses so men can legally sodomize each other. No. Gay marriage is wrong.

Our government cares so much about its population that it controls what we eat and smoke. Yet the government disregards the fact that sodomy’s participants enter the diaper years early on in life. Can Obamacare really afford to pay for diapers for middle aged gay men?

To the liberals here in America, this is hate speech. Yet this alludes to ancient words in the Bible. Are you trying to say the Holy Bible is hate speech? Read more

You Said “Ask And I’ll Give the Nations to You”

At church today we sang this song called, “You Said.” Well, I didn’t really sing it, because I was thrown off by the lyrics. Here’s how the chorus went:

“You said, “Ask and I’ll give the nations to you”

Oh, Lord, that’s the cry of my heart

Distant shores and the islands will see

Your light, as it rises on us”

I’m sitting there thinking, are we as a church praying that God gives us the nations? If so, what nations? America? Russia? Red Sox nation? Just one or all of them? I was not aware God just gave away nations like that. This is like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory but instead of chocolate it’s nations!

Anyways, I’m driving home with my wife, and I’m like, “Honey, what does that even mean ‘Ask and I’ll give the nations to you?'”

And she’s like, “I don’t know but I didn’t sing it. It sounds too multicultural.”

See how great my wife is? She doesn’t fall for any of that multicultural nonsense. She’s carefully selected by God for me. (Bible, Proverbs 18:22)

So I was like, “Honey, it’s probly some misquoted verse where David is hiding in a cave praying that God smites all the nations rising up against Israel. What else can you expect from ignorant liberals except irony?”
Read more

Why does anyone need an assault rifle?

why does anyone need an assault rifle?

Why does anyone need an assault rifle? To kill people. Duh. (photo courtesy of Offspring_18_87)

Why does anyone need an assault rifle? To kill people. Duh! That’s the stupidest question I ever bothered to answer. Why else would anybody get an assault rifle? To have a more expensive way to point a flashlight?

Sure there are many other weapons that can kill a man, but the assault rifle has features that make that job much easier. Especially in combat. It has a pistol grip that allows it to be held more ergonomically. It has attachments that help aim the gun and illuminate the target. Most importantly, it has a magazine that contains 30 bullets. Much better than a 6-shooter on the nightstand or the single shot in a hunter’s rifle.

Right now some people are like, “Jimmy, I don’t see the need for anybody to have that much power.”

Honey, the only reason you don’t see the need for such a weapon is because somewhere the weapon is doing its job. Even when it’s not fired. It’s called a deterrent. Violent force and the fear of violent force are part of reality. It’s not our job to change the world. Read more

Why are So many Kids Obese if So Many are Hungry?

Why are so many kids obese

“Let’s Move,” says Michelle Obama. The nation’s obese kids do the truffle shuffle.

Michelle Obama starves school kids with a meager school lunch program to combat obesity. Then she takes money right out of your pay check to feed the nation’s hungry with WIC, EBT cards, and food stamps. Does anyone else notice this obvious contradiction? Why are so many kids obese if so many are hungry? Read more

Spiritual Juggalos

christians against scienceFor years people have been falling over themselves to show how subservient they are to science. They’ve been desperate to prove they have no spiritual sentiment. Christians especially. Some black-hearted liberal comes along and taunts, “What are you, AGAINST SCIENCE?” and bullies everyone into submission. But not me.

Yes, black hearted liberal, I am against science. Read more