Spiritual Juggalos

christians against scienceFor years people have been falling over themselves to show how subservient they are to science. They’ve been desperate to prove they have no spiritual sentiment. Christians especially. Some black-hearted liberal comes along and taunts, “What are you, AGAINST SCIENCE?” and bullies everyone into submission. But not me.

Yes, black hearted liberal, I am against science.

Science doesn’t disprove the Bible. Science disproves a mystical understanding of nature. The Bible does not teach, contain, or suggest a mystical explanation of nature. Scripture uses terminology that can be understood by even the simplest of minds. But the explanations, however poetic or simplistic, perfectly reflect reality. Why? Because its author is the Creator.

If you think describing nature poetically equals a mystical understanding of nature, then I have a challenge. Try to teach a high school science class without using personification. It can’t be done. How can you teach kids about magnets without cueing up Paula Abdul’s “Opposites Attract?”

Empty-minded and black-hearted
The sad truth is that black-hearted liberals don’t even really understand science. They want the prestige that scientists earn in our society. So they watch the simplistic, poetic explainations about nature in Discovery Channel documentaries. Then, armed with big words, they look for a victim to bully. Either it’s Christians or the Juggalos.

The Juggalos respect and admire nature. But their understanding of nature is mystical. They look at the wonder around them and are not curious to know if there is a natural explanation. Nope. It’s all just a thrilling, spectacular miracle to the Insane Clown Posse. Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J rap, “Water, fire, air, and dirt. F**king magnets, how do they work? And I don’t want to talk to no scientist. Y’all mutherf**kers lying and gettin’ me pissed!”

The thing is, God made life in such a way that you don’t even need to know how everything works just to live. Thank you, God! We Christians know Christ, the creator. We accept his account as fact, even as we struggle to understand how he did what he did.

Do Christians deserved to be bullied?
Back in the day it was commonly thought that men had fewer ribs than woman. Why? The Bible teaches that God made Eve out of Adam’s rib. Nobody bothered to count men and women’s ribs. These people were on the verge of Juggalo. Scientists counted, and discovered that both men and women have 12 sets of ribs.

Black hearted liberals then scoffed, “Ha. Science disproved the Bible.”

Uh, no. Science disproved a mystical understanding of the nature. You used it to correct an incomplete understanding of the Word.

What exactly does the Bible mean when it says God made Eve from Adam’s rib? The black-hearted liberal is not curious to know. He just has a mystical hatred of God’s Word. Get your face painted up, liberal!

Science is a fallacy. Just because science is a better explanation of nature than a mystical understanding of nature, does not make science the ultimate form of knowledge. God’s revelation is the ultimate form of knowledge. If you reject God’s wisdom he will give you over to your folly. Then you will ironically prove his wisdom.

If you reject the Bible based on the rib counting scenario then I have a question. Why do you abstain from eggs? Because eggs contain cholesterol. Science teaches that cholesterol is bad. Why? In the 1950’s a Russian Scientist, David Kritchevsky, did an experiment where he fed rabbits cholesterol.  The rabbits suffered negative health effects. Therefore, humans should not eat cholesterol.

Didn’t it bother you that nobody bothered to count the ribs of men and women? It bothers me that nobody bothers to check if rabbits and humans are the same. I’ll do the work that science is too lazy to do.

Rabbits and Humans are different.
Rabbits live under my neighbor’s shed. They eat carrots. That’s it. They dash away at any noise. Humans live in Section-8 housing. They eat 7-11 hot dogs bought with EBT cards. They listen to the music of the Insane Clown Posse.
Rabbits and Humans are different
Don’t assume cholesterol is bad for an omnivore just because it was bad for an herbivore.

Based on the results from my study, I can say with confidence that rib-counting ignorance is the same as egg-rejecting ignorance. Science isn’t so ultimate, is it? God’s revelation is. Speaking of food, the Bible states, “For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving.” (Bible, 1 Timothy 4:4)

Wisdom and knowledge take time and effort to earn. Much more time and effort than watching a Discovery Channel documentary. But the Bible makes the first step clear. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” (Bible, Proverbs 9:10) If you really wanted to know creation, why not first meet the creator?

If you refuse to learn about the God of wisdom, perhaps you are a just spiritual Juggalo. Here’s your rap. “Water, fire, air, and dirt. F**king predestination, how does it work? And I don’t want to talk to no Calvinist, y’all mother f**kers lying, and getting me pissed!”

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You can find out more about Cholesterol and Dr. Kritchevsky. But you don’t need to take my word for it! http://www.westonaprice.org/know-your-fats/the-oiling-of-america

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