Patriots Recap vs. Steelers – Week 1- 2015

Gronk is a peterbilt! Trucking down the field! Bigger, stronger than any other vehicle. The steelers d backs were a bunch of volvos. They can’t touch gronk the peterbilt.

“Oh, but volvos have great steering.”

Steering!? Steering!?  Who buys a truck based on its steering?

Power, size, and speed. That’s what you look for in a truck. And Gronk the Peterbilt has that.

Gronk the Peterbilt has the Volvo defensive backs wrapped around his bumper like bugs. Volvo bugs on his windshield. Volvo bugs on his bumper. But he keeps trucking. Trucking all the way to the end zone.

“Oh, but the steelers d back volvos have great fuel economy.”

SHUT UP!

Game Breakdown.

There’s just one thing I have to say about yesterday’s game. I predicted this.

I predicted a Patriots victory over the steelers. Three touchdowns and 100 yards from gronk!

I used to say that I respect the Steelers. I used to say they were a worthy adversary. I used to say that they were like the Red Barron. Not anymore. Coach Mike Tomlin implicitly accused the Patriots of cheating because of the headsets? No!

Did the Patriots Cheat by jamming the Headsets?

Let me tell you guys something. When I was a younger man, I used to help run the sound system at church.

Now this was back in Boston and there were a bunch of Berklee kids who set up the whole thing. It was an expensive sound system. Lots of mics, cables, sound boards, and uhhh, auxiliary pots. The pastor had a near invisible wireless lapel mic.

One time in the middle of the sermon Jamin 94.5 WZOU bled through his wireless mic. In one moment we were listening to Pastor Um. The next moment we were listening to a rerun of a Jam Scam from Ramerio the Freaking Puerto Ricaian.

The Berkelee sound engineers ran over to where I was like I had done something to do with it. Like I decided to Jam Scam the church by making them hear last friday’s Jam Scam. (It was a meta Jam Scam.)

NO! The problem in urban areas is that there’s so much radio interference that any wireless technology interferes with every other wireless technology. We had to quickly switch the signal on the Pastor’s wireless mic.

Foxboro, Massachusetts is susceptible to every single radio signal from Boston AND Providence. (Not to mention the pirate radio stations in Dorcester. Those darned pirated Afro-Caribbean stations blew the speakers on my old minivan.)

So Scott Zolack on 98.5 the sports hub comes over on Coach Mike Tomlin’s headset. A headset system set up and run by the NFL. He complains. Then the NBC announcers stir up controversy. Anything for ratings, right? Make up a story. If you slander someone, like the patriots, well, you can weasel out later.

NO! They Cannot Weasel out.

Coach Tomlin says this happens every time they go to New England.

The wireless headsets fail every time they play at a stadium in one of the most densely populated areas of the country? Makes sense. With all of the radio interference.

Not much radio interference in Pittsburg. It’s not too heavily populated in the heavily wooded Pensyltucky hills. One TV station is good enough for those fuzzy bumpkins.

Sour grapes. That’s what I got from Tomlin. Like I said. I used to respect the Steelers. Not as much any more.

The Game

In my prediction, I said not to go too crazy saying that the Patriots were just going to run away with the game because of deflategate. Lots of people are saying that the deflategate slander is going to fuel the patriots to run the table.

Not so fast! The patriots have enough rookies on the team, they need to jell in some areas. And you saw it against Pittsburg.

In my prediction video, I got excited about the interior linemen. It’s bad to see Wilfork go, yet we have a good stable of talent. But some guys are inexperienced.

That’s where we see the first and biggest problem the patriots had: DeAngelo Williams.

The guy got 127 yards!

The Defensive Line

Look, Williams got his yards running outside. So the defensive ends need to look in the mirror. The outside linebackers need to look in the mirror. Together.

The outside linebackers need to look in the mirror standing behind the d ends looking in the mirror.

They need to keep eye contact with their own respective reflections. The d ends need to stand in a line in the Patriots’ locker room looking at themselves in the mirror with the outside linebackers also looking at themselves.

Look, I liked the way the interior D line played. (BTW I couldn’t remember Dominique Easley’s name in my prediction video. He’s finally back. Now he’s gone.)

The whole Defense showed up big time to keep the Steelers from scoring touchdowns. Yea, Williams got a lot of yards down the field. But not as much into the end zone.

There was that time that the Steelers were in the red zone and the Patriots stuffed them. How many plays was that? 8? 9? The Steelers benefited from a penalty so the Patriots had to keep stuffing them again and again. Then there was the shift!

The Patiots defensive line all shifted left after the Pittsburg Offensive line got set. A Steeler jumped and *tweet tweet* false start on Pittsburg!

Rothlesburger was angry. The Patriots cheated again! They moved. (When it was legal to do so.)

It’s not fair to say the Steelers left tackle was undisciplined. But it is fair to say that the Patriots cheated when they did something perfectly legal that somehow violated an unwritten rule.

What was the unwritten rule? Don’t make the Steelers look like idiots? Whoops!

The Offense.

In my prediction video there was a offensive set I was about to explain. The tight end sets. I stopped talking about it because I couldn’t remember all the names of things.

What I was saying is that they go from double Tight End sets to shifting Gronk wide. They line him up as wide receiver. I should have explained it more, because I was onto something. They lined up gronk wide and the Steelers didn’t even have a guy on him! Touch Down!

The Patriots are getting stacked with tight ends. Bellichick has been working in some Fullbacks too. This has been something Coach has been brewing for years. Now we see it coming together. In the past few years, this type of configuration has hit a rocky road due to injuries and murder convictions.

Who’s the Patriots running back?

That’s what i asked before the game. Who’s the running back? Dion Lewis! Another small fast agile rb like Danny Woodhead. Except he fumbled like Ridley!

His ball holding skills are TERRIBLE!

Yet dependable Peterbilt Gronk jumped on the fumble and saved the drive.

Offensive line.

When the NBC broadcast announced that Stork was out with concussion, that was news to me. (Stork needs to see Welker’s concussion doctor. You know, the one that didn’t follow him to Denver.)

But I am amazed by David Andrew’s play at center! Good job stepping up.

Just like the defensive line, the offensive line has a talent that just needs to mature and jell together.

Special Teams

This game came down to special teams. The Steelers failed to score on two field goals. Considering the game came down to a onside kick attempt in the final seconds of the game, those field goals were points the Steelers could not afford to not score.

I imagine Josh Scobee has low self-esteem right now.

But then I looked at his stats and last year his salary was $3,225,000.

So instead I imagine he hired has a team of psychologists who help shield him emotionally from his failures.

Clock Management.

For a veteran quarterback, I was ashamed that Rothlesburger managed the clock so poorly. He flubbed running a play against the Two-minute warning. That’s one of the things that Brady is second-to-none. Clock management.

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