NY Marathon of Health Food

Health Food for the Homeless
Last week, the New York mayor Michael Bloomberg warned everyone not to give just any food to the homeless people of the city . He needed to first inspect the health quality of that food. There could be fat and salt in that food, you can’t just feed it to a homeless person. The homeless people need health food!

A lot of us thought that was just ridiculous. But like sticking your fingers in a light socket, I was shocked but not surprised.

Remember the first line of the feedingjimmy.com mantra, “The United States government cares about what you eat.”

How about we enact anti-sodomy laws for New York’s homeless? Arrest people if we catch them fornicating in Central Park?

“Oh no, Jimmy, you cannot do that. Who are we to make a moral judgment?”

Well thanks for proving my point.

The Three Stooges
The second line of the feedingjimmy.com mantra is, “The United States government does not care about who you sex.”

We are in the midst of an ironic judgment that we brought on ourselves. God’s judgment is like Moe’s outstretched fist. Fools, like Curly, bash around that fist, and it swings around and hits them on their own head.

God cares about who you sex. God does not care about what you eat. That’s a point that’s hard for some people to take. But that’s what I dish out on feedingjimmy.com.

I’m showing how inconsequential our food choices are. First, to God. “The kingdom of heaven is not a matter of eating and drinking.” (Bible, page 681) Also, The Livet is powerful. People are trying it and noticing. Rule #1 is “Eat whatever you want, and don’t feel guilty about it.” Health food is counterproductive.

Marathon Punishment
Following Hurricane Sandy, there was a big crisis in the tri-state region. But for a long time, NY’s mayor Michael Bloomberg was insisting that the marathon was going to happen. He was going to divert resources from hurricane relief.

Now, this makes sense considering the fact that he doesn’t want us to give non-healthy food to homeless people. It also makes sense considering that he’s banned sodas larger than 16 ozs. The NYC Marathon and health food go hand in hand.

Why? For most people who run it, a marathon isn’t a contest of athletic ability. It’s a contest of willpower, to run through pain, to punish your body, and even though you’re getting injured and your body is breaking down, and it’s obviously not good for you, just keep running. A marathon is a contest of willpower. And that willpower that you need to run a marathon is the same willpower that you need to starve yourself by eating health food.

Health food isn’t healthy and it isn’t food. That’s why I call it ” ‘health’ ‘food’ “.

Fat is a nutrient. Salt is a nutrient. Cholesterol is a nutrient. You need these things. Especially after running 26.2 miles.

Marathoners probably just eat plain bagels. They’ve just run a marathon, their body is in shock, oh, I’ll have some Gatorade and a low-fat bagel. Punishment. It’s all about punishment because these people feel so guilty.

I see car stickers here in Boston that say 26.2 in a white oval. Some of them have 13.1 for a half marathon. I’m going to make some stickers that say 00.0. Let me know if you’re interested.

Some people are like, “Jimmy, if you’re against marathons how come you cheered me on.” Listen, I said for MOST people who run, it isn’t athletic. Not you. You did great!

One comment

  1. […] It also has me thinking about how the response to Hurricane Sandy could have been better if more New Yorkers had a salty egg, bacon, and cheese breakfast sandwich before dealing with the dammage. Remember Mayor Bloomberg wouldn’t feed the homeless anything besides health food? […]

Write a Comment: