Guys, I have another dispatch from my long distance AM radio adventures. Last night as I rolled up route 18 in New Mexico heading into Hobbs, I locked on to 850 KOA out of Denver, and I heard something I haven’t heard for a long time out of a radio: a traffic report.
Out here in west Texas, I listen to KCRS whose personalities occasionally report on traffic as needed. But when an radio news anchor bounces to a traffic reporter, that’s something different.
There’s a sick pleasure in hearing an extreme traffic situation develop live over the radio when it’s a distant market. Apparently a snow storm hit Denver last night especially effecting the mountains.
At first, the traffic reports warned of severe conditions in higher elevations. In Aspen and Eagle, there were, “too many accidents to count.”
Dang. I remember in Boston how people forgot how to drive in snow over the summer months. I guess that same can be said for Denver.
The bad areas were on 70 and 25. The State Police began enforcing a mandatory traction control law. All vehicles must have snow tires, chains, or be a 4×4 vehicle.
But four-wheel drive doesn’t mean four wheel stop.
Snow-caused traffic mayhem. And I got to listen in on a nearly empty, dry, desert highway.
The snow they get out there is all fluffy. There’s much more volume to the snow than in New England.
When I drove over the road, I remember piling the sacks of snow chains under the sleeper bed for Colorado’s mandatory chain laws. Luckily, I never needed to chain up in Colorado. (The spot that always got me was Truckee Pass going into California from Nevada.)
So as the traffic chaos spread, the warnings from the radio news team escalated. Motorists were warned not to take the road without at least a half tank of fuel and a fully charged cell phone. They boosted their vocabulary a notch and reminded everyone that there were “innumerable accidents” on the roadways.
Radio is theater of the mind. I allowed my mind to become an over the top stage director. I imagined the tall Denver city on the flat plains with the Rockies as a backdrop. Light fluffy flakes of snow filled the sky. And accidents filled the roadways.
You know that snowfall makes a noise? The millions and millions of flakes all together make an erie noise.
But you could barely hear that last night with the innumerable accidents.
Crash after crash after crash. Twisted, smashed metal. Breaking glass. Shattered Peyton Manning bobble head dolls.
The light poles in Denver are tall and very bright. In a snow storm they look like giant glitter cones. They just stood there indifferent to the pile of cars crumpled around their concrete bases.
Safeway parking lots were anything but safe or a way (to drive.) Last night, they should have been called Dangercrash. All the bros who stormed into the parking lot in their suped up pickups hoping to buy beer pong supplies spun out and became a mini tornado of destruction.
Snide guys driving around in Jeep Eagles chortled at all the amateurs. Those guys in Jeep Eagles are true mountain men. They wore flannel and beards before the hipsters. They arrogantly drove their dependable classic four-wheeled drive cars through the snow.
But they forgot that though they can control their car, they can’t control others. Soon car after car crashed into the Eagles. There were no more Eagle cars. They were all destroyed by other drivers.
So this play was a tragedy.
Theatre of the (twisted) mind.
Anyways. There was some comedy. Coach Kubiac was coy about who would play quarterback this sunday. They needed to have a meeting to decide.
Can you imagine Bellichick dithering in public. Haha. No.
So the sports program came on after the news. The Broncos had lost this weekend to the Raiders. So the host was like, “The worst part is that we’re behind New England now. It’s like, what’s the point of even winning that game against them?”
Man. Those Broncos fans can’t even be happy with that win. It’s like the Patriots win even when they lose!
Right now some people have just realized they read all this up to this point. And they’re a little embarrassed. They’re fed up. And they’re like, “Jimmy, this is awful. Who cares? Who cares about any of this? I don’t care about AM radio you listen to!”
I don’t care that you don’t care! This is feedingJIMMY.com, not feedingRALPH or whatever your name is.
So if you don’t like me writing about AM radio I listened to last night, get lost. If you don’t like me imagining innumeral accidents in Dever, get lost.
Okay, is everyone gone?
Alright, listen guys. If you’re still here, you’re probly a true fan of this site. I want to share some special news.
I’m thinking to start a podcast. I’m trying to gauge your interest.
Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking the podcast will be terrible. That’s because you’re using my YouTube videos are reference.
Look, my YouTube videos are terrible, I know. I know. Some of them were terrible on purpose. Most of them. Okay, just about all of them were made without any regard for quality. It’s like I purposfully made the worst videos I could get away with the see how many views a bad video could get.
I don’t think it reflects poorly on me that I made a weekly video series where I reviewed supermarket circulars. What does it say about you that you watched them?
Anyways, my goal with the podcasts is to make broadcast quality production and top notch content. I want to be ahead of the new wave of internet radio.
Let’s be honest. Most podcasts are done poorly. But the Jimmy Kinkade podcast won’t be. At least not on purpose.
At first it’s going to be rough. So I’m going to start by making audio versions of my more popular feedingjimmy.com posts. We’re going to see what works. It’s going to be an organic process. You know, it will evolve. (apologies to creationists.)
So stay tuned and as the podcasts start rolling out let me know what you think.