First came the Windmillers, then came the Earthquakes

Guys, who or what is a fracker? London’s newspaper, The Independent, blamed them for Oklahoma’s earthquakes in an article posted on Drudge.

I’ve met many men out here in the West Texas oilfield. Guys who’ve swung hammers on fracking jobs, guys who drive sand trucks, guys who run coiled-tubing jobs. But nobody has introduced himself to me as a fracker.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Kinkade, my name is Alistair Wimbledon and I am a fracker.”

Perhaps this speaks to the differences between our english and the Queen’s english. For example, the British word for truck is lorry.

Look, I’m a truck driver, not a lorry driver, or man-at-lory or lorryman, or whatever. Furthermore, I drive a Peterbilt. There is no British word for Peterbilt because their pompous dialect fails to describe such power.

The British lorry can barely pull its own weight never mind the weight of 120 barrels of produced water.

But anyways this article, entitled, “Frist came the frackers, then came the Earthquakes,” sums up the causality/correlation fallacy that science worshipers always succumb to.

The newspaper prints a frequency bar chart of number of Oklahoma earthquakes per year. Then there’s this red dotted line pointing at 2009. That’s the year fracking began. Then the earthquakes take off.

So it’s a forgone conclusion through the article. Obviously, it’s the frackers causing the earthquakes! Now panic!

That leads to the remarkable aspect of this article. The Sooners don’t care. They just don’t care! And the liberals at the Telegraph are up-in-arms. Where’s the outright ban of fracking?!

I’m sorry that the Sooners they interviewed accepted the premise that fracking causes earthquakes. Even still they clearly decided that the benefit of fracking outweighs the nuisance of barely perceptible earthquakes.

You know what, Raf Sanchez, sensationalist writer for the Telegraph.co.uk? I made a chart, too. It shows the number of Oklahoma earthquakes by year and the ramping-up of windmill power over the same time. And there’s a correlation!

Furthermore, I propose a plausible explanation for how windmills cause earthquakes: They turn the tectonic plates into wind-blown hoovercrafts that crash into each other.

So I will entitle this feedingjimmy.com post, “First came the Windmillers, then came the earthquakes.”

What’s a windmiller? I don’t know. As far as I know there is not an actual windmiller.

But it sounds scary. When I think windmiller, I think sleazy looking Spaniard in a trench coat. He creeps into small oklahoma towns, erects windmills, and flys back to spain before the ensuing earthquakes crumble the trailerhoods.

How many more homes will be destroyed before we end windmilling? Ban windmilling now! Get windmillers out of Oklahoma.

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