Dr. Pavlov, Animal Cruelty.

Dog lovers, you feed your dog real food, right? Dr. Pavlov didn’t. He fed his dogs bells. Dr. Pavlov fed his dogs bells to the point that they thought that bells were food. Dr. Pavlov should be charged with animal cruelty! Bells are not nutritious. Dogs shouldn’t eat bells.

The truth is we can’t charge Dr. Pavlov with animal cruelty. Well, not without being hypocritical. We Americans feed ourselves things that are not food and we believe it is healthy. Why do we do this? First I’ll explain why. Then I’ll explain why why. First, why. We’re backwards.

We Americans think the feeling we get from eating unhealthily is healthy and the feeling we get from eating healthily is unhealthy.

For example, say you go to Jacob Wirth’s and eat a delicious Ruben sandwich. There are some people who do that and say, “Mmm. I can feel my arteries getting clogged.”

No! You cannot feel your arteries getting clogged. You don’t have nerve endings in your arteries. That feeling you get after eating a Ruben is the feeling of satisfaction. It’s the feeling of lipids, salts, and glycogen surging back into your blood stream. When that rich blood permeates your brain, ahhhh. That’s the spot.

But we insist that feeling is unhealthy. Why? Because we work out. Now, you know what I say, “Men work. Boys work out.” America is a country full of boys.

Conditional Reflex

After you waste 40 minutes of your life running on the tread mill, you sweat out salts and burn all the glycogen in your blood. You also get a euphoric feeling from the hormones released to repair the damage you caused. We’ve been conditioned to equate that post-workout feeling with health.

But that’s actually a status of malnutrition. We should replace those nutrients with a buttery toasted Ruben sandwich, salty french fries, and beer. But the feeling of satisfaction from such a meal would end that malnourished state. Then we wouldn’t feel so “healthy.” The ensuing guilt would send us right back to the treadmill.

When we meet up with our friends at Applebee’s after the gym, we’re ordering, “Oh, I don’t know, just a salad with some skinless grilled chicken and whole wheat croutons. With a lite vinaigrette  on the side. And to drink maybe a water with some lemon.”

After you eat that pathetic meal, your stomach is filled volume-wise, but your body is empty nutrient-wise. You might as well have just filled your stomach with bells.

But it’s worse than eating bells, because at least bells have zinc. Your salad is just leaves, of which the main ingredient is water. And you drank more water. So you’re more over-hydrated. You stand up from your table at Applebee’s and you’re all light headed and woozy. You think, “Gee, I can hardly see straight. But I feel sooooo healthy. I love this Applebee’s place.” Keep it up. If you keep eating “clean,” you’ll get so healthy, you’ll collapse.

The Experimental Psychology and Psychopathology of Sinners

Why why do we do this? Why do we think things that are not good for you are good for you and things that are good for you are not good for you? It’s because America hates God.

This is shocking to some people and they’re like, “Jimmy, are you sure you don’t want to walk this back? After all, you weigh 300lbs.”

Uh, no. This isn’t about me. This is about the Bible.

Other people are like, “Jimmy, are you saying that if I eat a salad, I hate God.”

No. Why would you think that? Who’s saying that if you eat a salad you hate God? No. You can eat whatever you want. That’s the message of feedingjimmy.com. Just the other night, my taco fell apart and I turned it into a taco salad right there. What I’m talking about here is our American society. Our society has rejected God. The prevailing food-based morality of America arose from rejecting God’s sex-based morality. (read Privates in the Sex War.)

If you love God, you obey God.

If you love God, you hold His word in higher authority than anything else. If something comes along that challenges your understanding of Scripture, you, like the Bereans, pour over Scripture to reconcile it. (Bible, Acts 17:11) You “take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.” (Bible, 2 Corinthians 10:5) When in doubt, you trust God and His word. That’s the nature of faith. And those who love God have faith.

Jesus Christ is the creator and sustainer of you. Jesus Christ is the creator and sustainer of the universe. He knows how the earth and you were made. He formed you.

If you think that fat, salt, cholesterol, and gluten are categorically bad, why would Jesus the Creator say, “I am the bread of life?” (Bible, John 6:35) Bread has gluten. Why would the Jesus the Creator say to his disciples, “You are the salt of the earth,” if salt is bad? (Bible, Matthew 5:13) (read Christians for salt)

Why would the LORD lead Israel to a land flowing with milk and honey? If he was the creator, shouldn’t he know milk contains saturated fat and cholesterol?

We Americans hold science in higher regard than God’s word. When fools reject God’s wisdom, he hands them over to their folly. Our so called health foods are the diet of folly. We’ve been handed over to a diabolical Dr. Pavlov. He conditions us to eat bells. We end up believing bells are good for you. In this case bells are health food.

Feast on the Fattened Calf

When the Prodigal Son got hungry he came to his senses and returned home to his father. (Bible, Luke 16-17) Jesus said, “Man cannot live by bread alone but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” (Bible, Matthew 4:4) America must admit its hunger for God’s word, repent of science, and ironically eat the fattened calf in the celebratory feast of God’s forgiveness.

By the way, health food does not equal healthy food. That’s an upcoming post on feedingjimmy.com so “liek” feeding jimmy on facebook so you don’t miss it.

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6 comments

  1. […] also Dr. Pavlov animal cruelty gets steady hits. It turns out that the liberals actually accuse Dr. Pavlov of animal cruelty, so […]

  2. Anonymous says:

    Hahahahaha! Oh man, I almost thought this was real for a second!

  3. Anonymous says:

    Pavlov did NOT feed dogs bells! He rang a bell before feeding them, which made them salivate at the ringing bell, even when food was not present. It’s called classical conditioning. No one was eating bells.

  4. There’s hope! When Jesus gives us our new bodies, none of us will have food allergies. So today, when I’m at the Fours watching the game, I’ll hold aloft my Rueben sandwich, yelling, “This one’s for Rob Madden!” and devour it furiously.

  5. Rob Madden says:

    Still laughing! Man, I’m a celiac, and if I eat anything with wheat in it, I’m cursed with stomach pains for two days, and Butt sores bc I sat on toilet for 35 hours! lol What I wouldn’t do for a Panera’s bagette!!! Pray that God will forgive me whatever sin I committed to get this disease. 🙂 Hey, on top of having to stop eating all things with gluten in it, i’m still over-weight! God’s made me a “gluten” er…”glutten” for punishment! Eat an extra rueben sandwich for me, brother!

    Robert

  6. […] had read my post, “Dr. Pavlov, Animal Cruelty.” In it I explored why Americans reject actual nutritious food, such as the Reuben, for food void of […]

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