Archive for zinger

Science was wrong about fat.

ScienceWasWrongAboutFat

For all human history human beings have eaten fat. We’ve thrived doing so. We’ve spread out over the earth while eating fat. Everywhere we’ve gone we’ve encountered animals who also eat fat. This has been going on for a long time. You know, since like day 6.

Then all of a sudden in the 20th century Science declares that fat is bad for you. Science commands any animal who has will power over what he eats, which is only humans, to stop eating fat. Read more

#PIZZAGATE is Believable

#pizzagate is believable. I’m not saying it’s true. I’m just saying I’m able to believe the same sexually immoral criminals who brought you Gay Marriage would also molest children.

The Fracking Oil Boom is over! Why are there still earthquakes in Oklahoma?

Pawnee Earthquake Damage by J Berry Harrison III

Earthquake destruction in Pawnee Oklahoma. Thanks, windmills. (image via J Berry III)

 

Today a 5.6 magnitude earthquake struck Oklahoma, centered in Pawnee county, and was felt in several states. This earthquake caused a huge problem, not for dilapidated trailer-hoods or endangered prairie chickens, but for tree-hugging liberals.

The Oil Boom is over! Why are there still earthquakes in Oklahoma?

They blamed fracking for the Oklahoma Earthquake Swarm that began in 2009. But now crude oil sits under $50 a barrel. Nobody’s fracking! Read more

Did fracking cause the San Ramon California Earthquake Swarm?

 

san ramon earthquake swarm

San Ramon California Earthquake swarm of 2015 (via usgs.gov)

 
When an earthquake swarm hits Oklahoma, liberals blame fracking. But when an earthquake swarm hits Northern California, what do liberals blame? Windmills? Read more

I can’t believe the Patiots lost

pats
I cannot believe the Patriots lost! Where is justice? Is there any justice here on earth when a team a noble as the New England Patriots suffers the scorn of scoundrels and the slander of bitter fools? Read more

Howard Stern’s new deal and the pathetic state of Internet Radio

Howard Stern

Howard Stern didn’t go to Internet Radio — or loser podcasts! (image via Bob Norton)

Howard Stern made big news in the radio world last week when he finally signed a new deal with SiriusXM in the waning moments of his previous contract. The noteworthy aspect of the deal was not the money, which was reported to be like $80 million over 5 years or something. It was the pathetic role internet radio played in the negotiations. Read more

Should Christians support Trump’s ban on Muslims?

  
Trump announced he would ban immigration to the United States by Muslims. A lot of Christians wonder if they should support this ban. 

Actually, let me take that back. A lot of idiot Christians wonder if they should support this ban. Those of us Christians with brains are standing and applauding. Finally someone is running for political office who stands for justice. 

Ban Muslim immigration! Read more

I saw a Black Friday fight at Walmart

blackfriday fight

source: tumblr

Guys, we were all so bored today that we decided to take a trip to Walmart where I saw a fight over merchandise. Yup. A fight.

My son PhilPhil ran up to a box filled with giant Mickey Mouses (selling at a roll back price of $20 each.) He grabbed one, then his little brother Baby Beebaw (aka Brian) wanted the same one.

Baby Beebaw was like, “Mine! Mine! No, Mine!” and tried to grab the Mickey Mouse that PhilPhil had.

Why he wanted that specific one, I don’t know. The box had at least 15 other ones.

So they started fighting.

My first thought was to get out my cell phone camera to take a video of a screaming two year old fight his four year-old brother for a giant Mickey Mouse plush toy.

But then I was like, no, if I could somehow get them to fight over a flatscreen, it might get more views on Youtube.

It didn’t matter anyways. The fight fizzled out before I could roll film. It’s like sensory overload there. They found some other things to run over to and dropped the Mickey Mouse on the floor.

#BlackFriday 2015

Black Friday 2015

Better get yours before they get you!

Black Friday 2015. I’m sitting here in my secure surplus military bunker as the carnage unfolds at our nation’s walmarts. This bunker has wifi, so I’m able to access drudgereport.com to stay updated on the Black Friday casualties. It’s like a tradition around here.

Kids, stop running around the bunker! Or I’ll send you to Walmart to buy a flatscreen!

Guys, remember what your Uncle said yesterday at Thanksgiving Dinner? He said, “Welp, today is the day we’re thankful for all we have. Tomorow is the day we fight for what we don’t need.”

Some people right now are like, “How did you know my Uncle said that. You weren’t there.”

Guys, your uncle says that every thanksgiving. Every uncle says that every thanksgiving.

But nobody says it better than America’s Uncle, Eddie Fitzgerald. On his blog, Uncle Eddie’s Theory Corner, he has a picto-cartoon storyboard-script about Black Friday. Check it out here.

So happy Black Friday, everyone. Get your flatscreen before you get flattened!

The Worldwide Travel Alert will soon change to a Stateside Travel Alert

Seal of the United States Department of State

Today the United States Department of State issued a blanket warning to all Americans traveling anywhere over the world. Due to terrorism abroad, travelers should exercise caution. The Worldwide Travel Alert states:

The State Department alerts U.S. citizens to possible risks of travel due to increased terrorist threats. Current information suggests that ISIL (aka Da’esh), al-Qa’ida, Boko Haram, and other terrorist groups continue to plan terrorist attacks in multiple regions. These attacks may employ a wide variety of tactics, using conventional and non-conventional weapons and targeting both official and private interests. This Travel Alert expires on February 24, 2016.

 

So I got a question.

How long will it be before the United States issues a travel advisory for Americans traveling domestically? Read more

Oklahoma world’s number 1 for Earthquakes and windmills

Guys, Drudge carried a news piece today from our friends at EnidNews.com, proclaiming Oklahoma world’s No. 1 earthquake area.

The article says that Oklahoma is unique in terms of earthquakes in the world. Then they say that the world is going through an earthquake phase. Next they quote someone who says Oklahoma is unique in terms of earthquakes in North America. Finally they say, “In North America, Oklahoma is very unique and unique in the world.”

I’m serious. Here’s the quote if you don’t believe me. Read more

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar said Dr. Ben Carson is an anti-Science racist.

kareem abdul-jabbar vs dr ben carsom

Little known fact: Dr. Ben Carson got an athletic scholarship to Medical School.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, in his Time magazine column, argued that Dr. Ben Carson is anti-science and his presidency would be bad for blacks.

What?! Abdul-Jabbar must be suffering Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from his game 7 loss to the Boston Celtics in the 1984 NBA Championships. Perhaps he’s so stung by Dennis Johnson’s stellar play in the series that he’s channeling his fustration against Dr. Carson. Read more

The Difference Between Trump and Romney

Donald trump debate tweet

Donald Trump dictates the debate terms.

Guys, Donald Trump sent out a tweet last week that pretty much summed up the difference between him and Mitt Romney. Donald Trump said, “The @GOP should not agree to the ridiculous debate terms that @CNBC is asking unless there is a major benefit to the party.” Read more

In the next war, America will be the bad guy. 

Some people look at world events, and say to themselves, “there’s a war brewing.”

I disagree. The war right now has long been brewed, bottled, uncorked, poured, and served up. Unfortunately, most Americans would rather fight to deny this war’s existence.

In this war the United States of America plays a part. America is the bad guy. 

For the first time ever in American history, we are the bad guy on the world stage. 

For the first time ever we refuse to take up arms to defend the cause of Justice. When we do take up arms we will fight against the cause of Justice. 

For it is written, “Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the LORD understand it completely. ” Proverbs 28:5

Water on Mars! Yawn. Science is stupid.

Icy Penitents by Moonlight

“Icy Penitents on Chajnantor” by ESO/B. Tafreshi –  From Earth’s Atacama Desert, know for its Mars-like conditions.

Drudge carried a headline post Nasa scientists find evidence of flowing water on Mars this morning. And this is big news to the Science worshiping crowd. I’m just like, “Yea. So?” Read more

Uncap and Trade

I am not against birth control. I just think that it should be taxed to the point where you can go bankrupt for using it.
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