Archive for Uncategorized

Who takes the gallbladder from a dead bear? A Chinese. 

The drudge report has a link up that says Bear Found with Paws, Gallbladder Removed on CA Freeway…

Drudge put it up because it’s one of those bizarre news stories. You read it and are like who in the world would cut off a gallbladder and paws from a dead bear beside the road?

A Chinese! That’s who.

According to CBS Los Angeles, Caltrans and the California Fish and Wildlife are treating it like a crime. A serious crime. Read more

Is Chipotle healthier than a fried burrito?

  
Is Chipotle healthy? You know, like compared to a fried burrito?

Stupid question, right? Chipotle is fresh-mex! They only use the finest, organic, all-natural ingredients. They don’t fill their burritos with processed foods and deep fry them.

Okay. So, follow-up question. What’s the opposite of healthy?

Sick. Right?

So how can you tell me Chipotle is healthy when so many people got sick eating there? Read more

I listened to innumerable accidents in Denver on AM radio KOA.

Guys, I have another dispatch from my long distance AM radio adventures. Last night as I rolled up route 18 in New Mexico heading into Hobbs, I locked on to 850 KOA out of Denver, and I heard something I haven’t heard for a long time out of a radio: a traffic report. Read more

Chilling predictions about the Clintons from Art Bell show in 1996. 

Guys, I’m sitting here in Artesia, New Mexico waiting on standby. I’m just doing some distance AM listening to kill the time and I pulled in 1110 KFAB from Omaha, Nebraska.

Amazing right? But not only did I pull in a broadcast from a long distance, I got a show from a long time ago. 
They’re playing Art Bell’s Somewhere in Time, which rebroadcasts episodes from the radio hall-of-famer’s archives. 
Today the rebroadcast was from a show originally aired in June 1996 in the midst of the Ken Star investigation. The guest was Rodger Morris, the author of Partners in Power, about Mr. and Mrs. Clinton. He and Mr. Bell recounted the rise to power and the criminal activities of the Clintons. Then they opined about the future of the couple and wondered if they could escape conviction and win reelection. 
What an amazing time capsule! You’d just have to listen to the show yourself. On one hand you laugh at the naive sentiment we held twenty years ago, but you also cringe at the disasters we were walking right into.  Read more

Who was Putin’s speech directed to?

putin speech

Putin should have hung a decorative rug over that gross green wall.

Yesterday Russian President Valdimir Putin stood in front that tacky green granite wall at the United Nations general assembly and delivered a powerful speech. So who was this speech directed to? Read more

Volkswagen emissions scandal? More like Volkswagen emissions victory!

Volkswagen Emissions Scandal

Guys, guess where I was when I heard that Volkswagen got busted cheating the emissions test. Get ready. It’s ironic. I was on the side of the highway in a Peterbilt whose own diesel emissions system had malfunctioned. Read more

Patriots Recap vs. Steelers – Week 1- 2015

Gronk is a peterbilt! Trucking down the field! Bigger, stronger than any other vehicle. The steelers d backs were a bunch of volvos. They can’t touch gronk the peterbilt.

“Oh, but volvos have great steering.”

Steering!? Steering!?  Who buys a truck based on its steering?

Power, size, and speed. That’s what you look for in a truck. And Gronk the Peterbilt has that.

Gronk the Peterbilt has the Volvo defensive backs wrapped around his bumper like bugs. Volvo bugs on his windshield. Volvo bugs on his bumper. But he keeps trucking. Trucking all the way to the end zone.

“Oh, but the steelers d back volvos have great fuel economy.”

SHUT UP!

Game Breakdown.

There’s just one thing I have to say about yesterday’s game. I predicted this.

I predicted a Patriots victory over the steelers. Three touchdowns and 100 yards from gronk!

I used to say that I respect the Steelers. I used to say they were a worthy adversary. I used to say that they were like the Red Barron. Not anymore. Coach Mike Tomlin implicitly accused the Patriots of cheating because of the headsets? No!

Read more

BOLD Patriots Prediction vs. Pittsburg Steelers – Week 1, 2015

Guys, on my youtube channel I make bold predictions about the New England Patriots. I haven’t been sharing them here on my website. This season, I will. Read more

Radio and 9/11 Remembrances (I listened to the @DandCShow)

[If you don’t like my 9/11 remembrance, I don’t care. I didn’t write it for you.]

Guys, today as I dove into work down a long flat West Texas highway, I listened to Dennis and Callahan streaming online from WEEI in Boston. My pickup doesn’t even have bluetooth or a way to connect my phone. It sat on my shirt collar. It was hard to hear but I needed to get some Patriots news from a sympathetic source. I had to keep last night’s win rolling.

All the Patriots haters around here can really harsh my vibe. Stupid Cowboys fans.

Anyways, they were doing some 9/11 remembrances. And what can I say? It hit me. Read more

Here’s how Tom Brady and the Patriots Cheat. And how #Deflategate punished them.

pats

ESPN implicitly admitted that there’s nothing to Deflategate. Finally! In an article by Don Van Natta Jr. and Seth Wickersham, titled Spygate to Deflategate: Inside what split the NFL and Patriots apart, they claim the NFL tried to over-punish the Patriots in Deflategate to compensate for under-punishing them in Spygate.

You know, like how a referee might make a bad call for one team to make up for a bad call against their opponent.

Thank you, gentlemen, for taking a step in the right direction. This whole football inflation charade went on long enough. I’m glad you’re putting it behind you. I’m sorry you reverted right back to Spygate, but maybe now we can stop acting sanctimonious about football psi.

Now I want to confess something too. Yes, the Patriots do cheat. And there’s one way specifically that Tom Brady cheats. Deflategate unjustly punished the Patriots and targeted Tom Brady for the reasons I will explain. Read more

The Dead Dog had a Gallstone. Now this Chinese Farmer is Rich.

 

gou bao

A gou boa. Source? wantchinatimes.com. Their source? The internet.

Guys, I have three dogs, Jick, Sheila, and Leona. As terrible as it would be to lose one of them in a tragic chocolate ingestion accident, their death may prove bittersweet. If it turns out their doggie gallbladders contain a special gallstones prized by the Chinese, I may hit the jackpot.

The wantchinatimes.com reported that a Chinese farmer found a special gallstone called a gou bao in his recently deceased dog, Dahuang. (May he rest in peace.)
Zhan Qihan, a 74 year-old farmer from the Luotian county of China’s Hubei province, was for some reason dissecting his recently deceased dog by a river. That’s when he extracted a gallstone that “shone like gold in the sunshine. He immediately recognized it as a gou bao.”

The wantchinatimes.com claims the gou bao dog gallstone is an extremely rare and precious item in Traditional Chinese Medicine. Apparently they have the power to heal you longtime.

According to the report, a fellow villager offered Zhan 100,000 yuan for the special dog gallstone. AND HE TURNED IT DOWN! Read more

Report Fake Beanie Babies!

 

report fake beanies

Report Fake Beanie Babies

source

Guys, ever hear of SWATting? I’m going to call this number on my aunt.

Why I Moved Out Of Boston

Same sex marriage is wrong

Two years ago, I moved my family out of Boston. At that time, if you had asked me why I quit my job and sold my house, I would have muttered something about money. It’s true that Boston is expensive. But that’s not the real reason I left. I moved out because of gay marriage. Boston, Massachusetts is the new Sodom and Gomorrah.

Right now some people are like, “Jimmy, what’s a matter? You afraid of fire and brimstone?”

No, I’m not afraid of fire and brimstone. I’m afraid of the knock at the door. Read more

Goodell hammers Brady in #DeflateGate — I PREDICTED THIS!

pats

So Rodger Goodell finally announced his verdict against Tom Brady and the Patriots regarding DeflateGate and what can I say except I prediced this!

I’ve been saying for a long long time that the NFL doesn’t hold up justice as its standard. It holds up fairness. And look at the punishment the NFL brought against the Patriots: Tom Brady suspended for 4 games, a $1 million fine, and a loss of a first round draft pick. That’s unjust!

But to the mob of resentful, low-information sports fans, it’s only fair. The Patriots’s numerous victories is de facto proof that they cheat. And so DeflateGate provided an opportunity to punish them. Look at how the punishment singles out a single individual for no other reason than he is a prominent, successful man.

That’s what happens with fairness. All you can do is punish the successful.

Welcome to Barack Obama’s NFL

Read more

First came the Windmillers, then came the Earthquakes

Guys, who or what is a fracker? London’s newspaper, The Independent, blamed them for Oklahoma’s earthquakes in an article posted on Drudge.

I’ve met many men out here in the West Texas oilfield. Guys who’ve swung hammers on fracking jobs, guys who drive sand trucks, guys who run coiled-tubing jobs. But nobody has introduced himself to me as a fracker.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Kinkade, my name is Alistair Wimbledon and I am a fracker.” Read more

Obama at the National Prayer Breakfast

Last week at the National Prayer Breakfast, President Barack Obama told Christians to get off their high horse and stop judging Islam. Why? Because of the Crusades and the Spanish Inquisition.

Many wonder how this supposed genius could spout such delusional malarkey. (excuse my language.)

Guys, the explanation is simple. Obama sympathizes, appeases, and allies himself with Islam, not because he believes in its tenets, but because they commonly despise the success of Christianity. Read more

My Critique of Jon Stewart. He’s no Limbaugh.

Guys, so many people are saying so many things about Jon Stewart’s departure from the Daily Show that I need to chime in. But first I got to say that I’ve barely watched the show. I don’t have tv let alone cable.

Here’s my critique. Calm down. Jon Stewart is not that amazing. Rush Limbaugh does what Stewart tries to do but much better. And Limbaugh has been doing it since the late 80’s. Limbaugh even had a television show that if you watched clips would make you think that the Daily Show looked to for “inspiration.” Read more

The Butler Interception and #DeflateGate VIDEO

Super Bowl Recap. Were the Patriots Lucky?

A lot of people are saying the New England Patriots didn’t win as much as the Seahawks lost.

Excuse my language. That’s a bunch of malarkey. That’s a bunch of friggin malarkey. Frick friggin frick stick malarkey. Again, excuse my language.

The Butler interception was a product of discipline on the Patriots part. Butler stuck to his assignment. The reason the Seahawks did not go to lynch is because WE SHUT HIM DOWN.

Super Bowl Preview. X’s and O’s. My Dog Attacks me pretending to be Vince Wilfork.

 

Guys, the dumbest thing I’ve heard is that the Patriots should contain Russell Wilson in the pocket. No. Big Vince needs to flush him out and the DEs and LBs need to do break down, move laterally and do jazz hands.

 

Alright, this is the last thing to be said about the game. Now it’s time to play!