Putin should have hung a decorative rug over that gross green wall.
Yesterday Russian President Valdimir Putin stood in front that tacky green granite wall at the United Nations general assembly and delivered a powerful speech. So who was this speech directed to? Read more
Guys, we’re coming up on the 500 year anniversary of the Reformation, okay? And London’s Daily Mail ran a story about a United States Congressman, Bob Brady, a Democrat from Pennsylvania, stealing cup of water that the pope drank from. Read more
Illegal immigration from South and Central America will turn the United States of America from a Protestant country to a Roman Catholic country. And then what? Well, you know what I say. Catholicism leads to communism. Read more
Guys, guess where I was when I heard that Volkswagen got busted cheating the emissions test. Get ready. It’s ironic. I was on the side of the highway in a Peterbilt whose own diesel emissions system had malfunctioned. Read more
Guys, my dog Jick joined me to make a BOLD prediction about the New England Patriots game against the Buffalo Bills.
The keys to the game? Gronk in motion.
If Gronk lines up on the left side of the line, then before the snap, Gronk should go in motion to the right side of the line. That creates confusion on the Buffalo Bills Defense. How are they going to adjust? What are all three guys that Rex Ryan put on Gronk going to do?
Gronk is a peterbilt! Trucking down the field! Bigger, stronger than any other vehicle. The steelers d backs were a bunch of volvos. They can’t touch gronk the peterbilt.
“Oh, but volvos have great steering.”
Steering!? Steering!? Who buys a truck based on its steering?
Power, size, and speed. That’s what you look for in a truck. And Gronk the Peterbilt has that.
Gronk the Peterbilt has the Volvo defensive backs wrapped around his bumper like bugs. Volvo bugs on his windshield. Volvo bugs on his bumper. But he keeps trucking. Trucking all the way to the end zone.
“Oh, but the steelers d back volvos have great fuel economy.”
There’s just one thing I have to say about yesterday’s game. I predicted this.
I predicted a Patriots victory over the steelers. Three touchdowns and 100 yards from gronk!
I used to say that I respect the Steelers. I used to say they were a worthy adversary. I used to say that they were like the Red Barron. Not anymore. Coach Mike Tomlin implicitly accused the Patriots of cheating because of the headsets? No!
[If you don’t like my 9/11 remembrance, I don’t care. I didn’t write it for you.]
Guys, today as I dove into work down a long flat West Texas highway, I listened to Dennis and Callahan streaming online from WEEI in Boston. My pickup doesn’t even have bluetooth or a way to connect my phone. It sat on my shirt collar. It was hard to hear but I needed to get some Patriots news from a sympathetic source. I had to keep last night’s win rolling.
All the Patriots haters around here can really harsh my vibe. Stupid Cowboys fans.
Anyways, they were doing some 9/11 remembrances. And what can I say? It hit me. Read more
You know, like how a referee might make a bad call for one team to make up for a bad call against their opponent.
Thank you, gentlemen, for taking a step in the right direction. This whole football inflation charade went on long enough. I’m glad you’re putting it behind you. I’m sorry you reverted right back to Spygate, but maybe now we can stop acting sanctimonious about football psi.
Now I want to confess something too. Yes, the Patriots do cheat. And there’s one way specifically that Tom Brady cheats. Deflategate unjustly punished the Patriots and targeted Tom Brady for the reasons I will explain. Read more
A gou boa. Source? wantchinatimes.com. Their source? The internet.
Guys, I have three dogs, Jick, Sheila, and Leona. As terrible as it would be to lose one of them in a tragic chocolate ingestion accident, their death may prove bittersweet. If it turns out their doggie gallbladders contain a special gallstones prized by the Chinese, I may hit the jackpot.
The wantchinatimes.com reported that a Chinese farmer found a special gallstone called a gou bao in his recently deceased dog, Dahuang. (May he rest in peace.)
Zhan Qihan, a 74 year-old farmer from the Luotian county of China’s Hubei province, was for some reason dissecting his recently deceased dog by a river. That’s when he extracted a gallstone that “shone like gold in the sunshine. He immediately recognized it as a gou bao.”
The wantchinatimes.com claims the gou bao dog gallstone is an extremely rare and precious item in Traditional Chinese Medicine. Apparently they have the power to heal you longtime.
According to the report, a fellow villager offered Zhan 100,000 yuan for the special dog gallstone. AND HE TURNED IT DOWN! Read more
Guys, when I woke up this morning, I first started thinking about how stupid the name New American Barbarian is. I typed it a bunch of times this weekend as I wrote about the barbaric legal vandalism of Christian civilization as demonstrated in the saga of Kentucky county clerk, Kim Davis.
The feeling wasn’t regret. More like embarrassment. That idea isn’t baked all the way through and the name itself is kinda cumbersome. It’s like when you finish writing a english paper at 2 AM and you think it’s so good you’ll get an A+, but after you hand it in, you’re like, “Dang. That was stupid. Teacher’s probly going to fail me.”
The etymology of New American Barbarian
Our culture hit a steep decline. It’s skidding off the road, plummeting down over a cliff, and bursting into flames. So many preachers and pastors just tisk their tongue and shake their heads. They act like distant bystanders to the cultural slide.
When they try to offer some encouragement to us who want to hold the line and live a godly life, they say something like this: “Well, we’re back to a pagan culture. It’s bad that we returned to the pagan practices you read about in the New Testament. But the good news is that we’re like foreign missionaries in our own country. It just makes our light shine all the brighter! snort Ha!”
No! I disagree. And this is one of the reasons I don’t go to any church anymore. I can’t listen to that malarkey without exploding in anger. (excuse my language.) Read more
Okay guys, yesterday you stumped me and my post kinda fell apart at the end. (read it here.) But I’ve been thinking about a response and I think I have a real zinger.
Basically, you said I made too big a deal of the fact that when they sent Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis to jail they didn’t handcuff her. I claimed that it proved de facto she was not a lawless criminal who deserved jail. What lawless criminal do you lead to jail unhandcuffed?
Apparently some white collar criminals do go to jail on their own volition. Okay. But there’s something more at play. Once you see it, you’ll see it in other places. (I noticed it today in a story we read from the Bible at home church.) Read more