VIDEO: The Patriots did not cheat in #deflategate! The Colts did!

2 psi does not prove the patriots cheated. But 13 psi makes me suspect the Colts cheated!

The Patriots Did Not Cheat in #DeflateGate. The Colts Did!

pats

When people heard that 11 of the 12 New England Patriots’ footballs were 2 psi too light at halftime, they all concluded the Patriots cheated. No! I say that the 2 psi drop indicates the Patriots did not cheat! Just read the rules.

The NFL Rulebook requires that both teams bring their balls to the NFL referees’s locker room for inspection before the game. Then the Operations Manual states, “Once the balls have left the locker room, no one, including players, equipment managers, ball boys, and coaches, is allowed to alter the footballs in any way.”

Did you read that? You cannot pump the footballs up or deflate them after the refs inspect them.

Right now some people are like, “Jimmy, that proves the Patriots cheated because their balls were lighter!”

No! The rules do not require the teams to maintain the balls in the required pressure range. In fact, since they cannot be altered after inspection, you can’t legally maintain the required 12.5 to 13.5 psi. Cold weather could cause Patriots balls to deflate and there’s nothing they could do.

“But the Indianapolis Colts footballs were fully inflated!”

Yea! Because THEY CHEATED!!

Maybe the Colts pumped their balls up during the game. Why? Maybe they schemed to drop a dime on the Patriots and accuse them of what any NFL team would be guilty of on a cold game day: under-inflated balls. And to make sure they didn’t also get in trouble, they topped their balls off.

If that’s true, they’re in violation of NFL Operations Manual which expressly prohibits altering the balls. They are the cheaters.

Oh, but they only inflated the balls to regulation pressure? That’s nice. But it doesn’t matter. The rules don’t allow you to alter the ball, even if it’s to bring the ball back to regulation pressure.

This would explain why the Colts’ players are acting really nice to the Patriots on twitter. Guilt.

This would explain why Colts’ Linebacker D’Qwell Jackson changed his story. Earlier this week, we heard Jackson noticed the Patriot’s football was soft after he intercepted it. But now he denies it. Maybe he never actually claimed that to begin with. It was all part of the script to sabotage the Patriots legacy.

This week, everyone will be doing science experiments on Wilson footballs. When the data comes in, it’s going to seem mighty peculiar that the Colts’ balls were still 13.5 psi at halftime.

Guys, today I made a bold accusation against the Colts. I’m a true New England Patriots fan. You frauds abandoned the team on account of 2 psi. Shame.

5 Reasons to SHUT UP about #DeflateGate — VIDEO

Some of youse are like judas iscariot. Except instead of 20 prices of silver, it’s 2 p.s.i.

Why Deflategate Is Bad For Quarterbacks With Tiny Hands (and Good For The Patriots)

Deflategate is bad news for quarterbacks with tiny hands. Since everyone in the United States of Patriots-hate-ica wants to make a huge deal of football psi, the NFL commissioner will be forced to act in a comprehensive way that in the end nobody will like.

Right now the rules allow each team to condition it’s own footballs before the game. Neither team has a huge advantage because if the New England patriots doctor the footballs the way they like, the Indianapolis colts can doctor the football the way they like!

That’s why the rule allows each team to provide their own balls at the beginning of the game and allows each team custody of the balls the throughout the game. (A football out of the factory box is uncatchable. )

The NFL rules allow a range of psi for the ball to be – a range! So each team has discretion if they want their balls plump or saggy. But the strict adherence to the letter of the rule occurs at one moment. When the refs weigh the ball.

Consider wrestling. What’s the first thing a wrestler does after weigh-ins before a match? He pigs out! He cuts weight over the week so when he’s on the scale he’s 112 pounds. Then he steps off the scale and stuffs his mouth with 6 pounds of Funions. When he’s on the mat he’s actually 118 pounds.

But his opponent is too! Lightweight wrestling isn’t a match against your opponent. It’s a match against horrible gas pains from Funions. That explains all the grunting.

Look, the patriots footballs just needed to fart, okay?!

But now Commissioner Roger Godell needs to be super fair for the Super Bowl. So he’s going to personally check that all balls for both teams are fed Funions smothered with chili.

Plump balls are hard to grip. They are hard to throw *and * hard to catch. Especially if you have tiny hands. And who has the tiniest hands in the NFL?

Russell Wilson, of the Seattle Seahawks! (Tinier than even Danny Woodhead.)

Tom Brady did just fine in the second half of the AFC championship game after the footballs were undoctored. But Russell Wilson might not fare so well if godell gives the poor footballs terrible gas pains.

Furthermore, a more catchable ball is also easier to intercept. So as you watch the Super Bowl consider that each of Richard Sherman’s batted balls could have been an interception– if the balls were properly deflated according to Patriots’ specifications.

Listen Patriots-hate-icans, deflategate will actually help the New England patriots in the Super Bowl because the Seahawks have such tiny hands!

NOTE: The solution for this problem is to change the rule so balls are allowed to be 2 psi lighter. That’s the way you do it, right, Indianapolis colts fans? Change the rules you don’t like after the fact.

Connecticut Earthquake caused by Windmills in Massachusetts?

When five earthquakes happen in a five and a half hour span in Oklahoma, you blame fracking. When five earthquakes happen in a five and a half hour span in Texas, you blame fracking. But when five earthquakes happen in a five and a half hour span in Connecticut, who do you blame? You sure can’t blame fracking!

I’ll tell you who I blame. Windmills.

Today, Connecticut experienced a series of tremors felt in Rhode Island and parts of Massachusetts. (It sounds widespread, but you Texans need to realize that the New England states are rinky-dink small.) So where’s the closest fracking location?

I tell you what. It isn’t in New York. Governor Cuomo banned fracking just as it became economically impractacle. So we’d have to look as far away as Pennsylvania for all those nasty injection wells and water trucks.

Are we to believe fracking as far away as Western Pennslvania caused an earthquake in Connecticut? I don’t. Instead, I believe the closest large scale windmill farm caused the earthquake. You can read my theory in my post, “Does Fracking cause Earthquakes? No. Windmills do.”

So where’s the closest windmill farm?

I tell you what. It isn’t in Connecticut. The liberals in the Constitution state want windmills, but not where they have to see them. In that regard they are just like their liberal friends outside Long Island sound on Cape Cod and Nantucket. Sustainable energy needs urgent action until it ruins their property values.

Wind farms are simply marvelous out in Western Massachsetts where Liberals only have to see them when they visit the Berkshires in the summer.

And that’s where, according to my research, the closest windmill farm might be. The Hoosac Wind Power Project. If you know a closer one, leave me a tip in the comments. I’m also considering if the windmill farms of Western New York could influence seismic activity in Connecticut. (I know that seems like far away, but again, remember all these states are pretty small.)

You know what’s crazy? I made a Youtube video about the giant exhaust fan for the Hoosac tunnel a few years back. Soon afterwards, there was an earthquake that I felt in the Mid-roof Freightliner. (I drive a Peterbilt now, don’t worry.) I was in Springfield when I felt it, so I immediately wondered if any damage was done to the Hoosac tunnel.

That video became a Google search result for that earthquake because I mentioned the earthquake in a note in the description wondering about the condition of the Big Bore.

No one left any good info. So I had to ask train conductors at the Beacon Hill rail yard in Boston. (which was also a scene for many of my youtube videos.)

So let me ask again. Did today’s five earthquakes damage the Hoosac tunnel at all? It would be so sad if Windmills built in the vicinity of the Hoosac tunnel made bricks fall or whatever because that windmill caused an earthquake some a hundred miles away.

The Anti-Science Witch Hunt.

OK quakes a result of windmill construction -- FeedingJimmy.com

Guys, remember my post, Witch hunt witch hunt? I couldn’t help but think of it today as I read a post on boing boing about Climate scientist Michael Mann. He complains that Americans go on a witch hunt against Scientists with whom they disagree. He wrote about this in an article published in the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists, called “The Serengeti strategy: How special interests try to
intimidate scientists, and how best to fight back.”

Here we go again. Another witch hunt which hunt.

What is a witch hunt which hunt?

When liberals get backed into a logical corner, rather than admit their deception and renounce their folly, they scream “Witch Hunt!”

This instinctive reaction follows the adage “The best defense is a good offense.”

It puts the prosecutors of truth on the defensive, as they try to distance themselves from the undeserved bad reputation of anti-communist Senator Joe McCarthy who was supposed to share the crime of the Reverend Samuel Parris in the Salem Witch Trials, as depicted by playwright Arthur Miller, who was a communist.

Not everyone is fooled by this tactic. Mark Steyn mocked Michael Mann on the National Review Online on July 15, 2012.  Since then he has not backed down despite lawsuits brought by Dr. Mann accusing him of slander. (You can read about that on the daily caller.)

Think about what a witch hunt is. A group of medieval ministers accuse a woman of being a witch. Then they make it impossible for her to disprove her witchhood. In fact, every credible defense she makes only proves she is a witch. Then they hang her. Or crush her like they did to accused wizard Giles Corey.

Hey, she’s a witch! What else are you supposed to do?

That makes everyone hysterically afraid they might be accused of being a witch. Everyone’s on edge. Then some unscrupulous people take advantage of the situation and throw out some witch accusations against people they don’t like. Heh, heh, heh. If you can’t beat them, witch them. After all, Giles Corey had some land you wanted.

So liberals get in Americans’ minds that the communist scare of the 1950′s was nothing more than a witch hunt by Senator McCarthy. Except there were actually communists trying to infiltrate America.

So when Bill Clinton sold missile technology to the Communist Chinese in the 1990′s, even thought that actually happened, bringing it up is just a witch hunt!

Anti-Science Witch Hunt

Liberals fail to see that when they accuse conservatives of going on a witch hunt, they are stoking the same sociological phenomenon of a witch hunt. That’s why I call it a witch hunt witch hunt. Go ahead and try to prove you’re not conducting a witch hunt. It only further proves you’re hiding the fact you’re out to hang witches.

Accusing modern Americans of being anti-science is exactly like accusing a medieval woman of being a witch.

The clergy authoritatively declares that which is sacred and that which is of the devil. You better stay on their good side or else you will find yourself on trial for being a witch.

Hey! Who gets to decide what is science now-a-days? Liberals have taken the mantle. Liberals declare that which is science and condemn that which is anti-science, also known as Christian.

The followers of Jesus Christ have no business even pretending to offer empirical evidence or use objective reasoning. By definition, Christianity means you are anti-science.

Man Made Earthquakes from Windmills

Let me remind you that I, a devout Christian, postulated a theory that this burst of earthquakes we’re feeling in the United States is caused by windmills. I even made a graph to compete head-to-head against Michael Mann’s hockey stick graph.

Below is the proportional relationship between windmill farm output in Oklahoma and the incidences of magnitude 3 or greater earthquakes in Oklahoma.

Is it empirical? Yes. Did I use objective reasoning in my theory? Yes.

Is is Science? No. It’s anti-science because I’m a Christian.

 

OK quakes a result of windmill construction -- FeedingJimmy.com

Will this survive the Anti-Science witch hunt?

 

Does Fracking Cause Earthquakes? No. Windmills Do.

Windmill

Does fracking cause earthquakes? No. Windmills do.

Liberals look to the reports of increased earthquake activity and add it to their list of reasons why they hate fracking. Hold on there! I wouldn’t be so quick to blame fracking. In every place where earthquakes are on the rise, we see an increase in the construction of windmills.

Take, for example, this story by the Enid News about earthquakes in Oklahoma. It cites a U.S. Geological Survey that reports over 549 earthquakes greater than 3.0 magnitude in 2014. This is a drastic rise compared to 2013, when there were 109, and in 2012 when there were 39. This large, sudden rise demands we investigate windmills.

OK earthquakes

Instead, according to the Enid News, the USGS is investigating if injection wells associated with fracking are responsible for earthquakes.

What are injection wells? You may not be aware of this because I wasn’t until I began working in the oilfield, but oil wells actually produce more water than oil. The oil from a well goes to the refinery, but the produced water is pumped back deep underground at a place called an injection well. (And is transported to the injection well by Peterbilts.)

This distinction between an injection well and the fracking process itself doesn’t matter to a liberal who is determined to hate fracking. He just looks at this chart of earthquakes in Oklahoma and sees a sudden rise beginning in 2009. His conclusion: fracking is to blame.

Am I unfairly caricaturizing liberals? Judge for yourself.

On July 31, NPR.org posted a headline that read, Is Fracking to Blame for Increase in Quakes in Oklahoma? On August 8, the Atlantic focused on fracking in its article Man-made Earthquakes are Changing the Seismic Landscape. MSNBC concluded in its headline on July 8, New study links Oklahoma earthquakes to fracking. The New Republic, however, exercized caution, using the word possibly when it published, Oklahoma Earthquakes Possibly Caused by Fracking.

Yes, these liberal news sites do mention the theory that it’s actually injection wells and not fracking. But the angle taken by the editors stokes their liberal readers’ frenzied hatred toward fracking. However, if the injection well theory is true, banning fracking is not necessary. Modifying the injection well disposal process alone could calm the earthquake epidemic – ifit’s true that injection wells cause the earthquakes.

The culpability of injection wells (and therefore fracking) comes into doubt when you consider two facts. First, the distribution of earthquakes does not correlate to the distribution of water injection wells. And second, the sudden rise in earthquakes did not begin until 2009.

Even the Atlantic in their fracking hit-piece struggles explaining the geography of the earthquakes. Speaking with Robert Williams, a geophysicist with the USGS, Adrienne LaFrance writes:

Why does fracking seem to be linked to an uptick in earthquakes in some places but not in others? “We don’t know exactly why,” Williams said. (Some of the other states where seismic activity is on the rise: Arkansas, Texas, and to a lesser extent, Ohio and Colorado.) “There are a lot of questions yet to be answered. But a key point: There are thousands of wastewater wells across Oklahoma and we’re seeing this concentration [of earthquakes] incentral Oklahoma.”

I’ll do him one better. There are thousands of injection wells all across the United States of America. Anywhere there is an oil well there is an injection well nearby. You cannot operate an oil well without an injection well because the water comes out of the ground at a ratio of 10 barrels to every one barrel of oil. Since this water is actually heavy salt water, you can’t dispose of it by dumping it on the ground. It must be injected beneath an impenetrable rock layer so it doesn’t pollute drinkable water aquifers.

So that means that if injection wells necessarily caused devastating earthquake epidemics, there would be earthquakes in every oil-producing state since Spindletop. Most importantly, it also means any oil production will lead to earthquakes regardless of whether fracking was used to stimulate the wells.

So again, why 2009 and why central Oklahoma?

Can we blame windmills?

The construction of windmill farms in Oklahoma correlates much better to the sudden upward trend of earthquakes. Remember the key year is 2009. That was long after fracking had already achieved widespread implementation. But it was just on the cusp of a massive uptick in windmill farm construction.

The windmill boom began in Oklahoma in 2003 with the construction of Oklahoma Wind Energy Center in Harper County, with a rated capacity of 102 Megawatts. According toinformation published by the Kansas Energy Information, between 2003 and 2008, Oklahoma allowed construction of 6 more bird-killing machines that together have a rated capacity of 706 MW. I say “rated” because who’s kidding who, windmills don’t produce energy like their proponents promise.

But then in 2009, things took a turn for the worse. Large truck convoys pulling loads too big for residential roads clogged Sooner state highways. Eerie metal monstrosities appeared everywhere on the horizon. Their looming stature, lethargic rotating, and sub-sonic droning caused unsettling feeling in people living nearby. Soon livestock were birthing defective offspring. Rumors swirled that the magnetic fields of these windmills next to the ranch were to blame.

Yes, 2009 was a big year. Oklahoma saw four massive windfarms come online. Each of these four were rated to put out between 99 and 127 MW. Compare that to the the previous six years which saw only seven windmill farms built.

Collectively, Oklahoma’s 11 windmill power plants totaled 1128 MW of electrical power. That’s a lot, right? 1128 MEGA WATTS!

All of these windmills turn wind energy into electrical energy, measured in mega watts. 1128 Mega Watts sounds great to a liberal who didn’t do so well in physics class. There’s one big factor he left out of the equation. The clue is in the following passage I found at an online science tutor, physicsclassroom.com, discussing energy:

A common scene in some parts of the countryside is a “wind farm.” High-speed winds are used to do work on the blades of a turbine at the so-called wind farm. The mechanical energy of the moving air gives the air particles the ability to apply a force and cause a displacement of the blades. As the blades spin, their energy is subsequently converted into electrical energy (a non-mechanical form of energy) and supplied to homes and industries in order to run electrical appliances.

The wind applies force to the windmills. Enough force to generate 1128 megawatts. But do the windmills fall over when the wind blows on them? No. So that means that even though some of the wind energy is turned into electrical energy, something else is applying enough force in the opposite direction of the wind to keep the windmills erect. What is that thing? I’ll give you a clue. It’s what the windmills are anchored into: the ground.

The ground keeps the windmills standing up in the fierce winds that whip up in the Oklahoma plains. Yet, as rugged as we think the ground is, it is actually just broken pieces of the earth’s crust floating on currents of magma. So besides turning wind energy into electrical energy, windmills transfer wind energy into kinetic energy by doing work on the tectonic plate. The plate therefore moves in the same direction as the prevailing wind.

Since some of you may be English majors, let me ask you this: Have you ever seen a hoovercraft on the ocean? Have you ever seen a fan boat on the bayou? These boats float on the water and are propelled by a giant fan. What I’m saying is that windmills turn the ground they are on into a giant hoovercraft.

You know the major cause of earthquakes, right? It’s when one of the earth’s tectonic plates crashes into another? Well what do you think happens when you build a ton of windmills in western Oklahoma and the whole ground crashes into eastern Oklahoma? You get tons of earthquakes in Central Oklahoma!

The windmill boom where it literally booms

Remember that 2009 was the year when the windmill building boom just took off. (Together with magnitude 3.0 earthquakes.) In the several years after, Oklahoma kept building many more farms. In 2012 alone, they built 10. One of those, the Canadian Hills Wind Farm, keeps 135 turbines in operation with a total capacity of 295 MW. By the end of 2012, there were 26 wind farms online with a projected capacity of 3.175 Gigawatts.

Say this in a Dr. Emmet Brown voice, “3.175 Gigawatts! Marty, you can’t just go building windmills and get 3.175 gigawatts.”

If we take the USGS chart of the magnitude 3.0 earthquakes in Oklahoma, and add to it the collective capacity of windfarms by year, we see a trend that shows a proportional correlation.

OK quakes a result of windmill construction -- FeedingJimmy.com

The time for action is now! Windmills cause earthquakes. You still don’t believe me? Well too bad. We’re shutting down all windmill construction until you can prove otherwise.

NY Bans Fracking For Health Reasons

New York govenor Andrew Cuomo wants to ban fracking for health reasons. Guys, I live in West Texas. It’s a veritable forest of pump jacks and drilling rigs. If fracking was as bad as liberals believe, this area would be an uninhabitable toxic waste dump.

But it’s not. West Texas is a booming center of economic activity. People, like me, are coming here from all over in order to thrive. If anything, fracking is good for your health. Especially the health of your wallet.

Let’s compare and contrast west Texas with western New York.

The last time I visited western New York, I saw an abandoned Kodak factory. We drove past an abandoned mall to look at an abandoned subway tunnel. Then we dined near an abandoned passenger ferry terminal. The kids enjoyed biking on a paved-over abandoned railway.

Upstate New York’s entrepreneurs take advantage of low rent in abandoned red-brick warehouses and abandoned factories. It provides their businesses with a hip, retro location– until Albany’s crippling regulations and insurance costs put them under.

But the real entrepreneurs in western New York make the big bucks demolishing all these abandoned buildings so the owners don’t need to pay property taxes on them anymore. Business is going so well for these demolition companies that they hope to one day break even.

“We ain’t got time for that” – West Texas

Am I trying to say there are no abandoned buildings in west Texas? Pfft. No! There are tons of creepy abandoned farm houses, roller rinks, and pool halls. But the building boom is so strong and the empty space so abundant that nobody cares to tear anything down.

Steel buildings are flying up for oil and gas companies all around Midland, Texas. If you can wear work boots and swing a hammer you’ll be building houses to address the shortage. Truck stops such as Loves, Pilot, and Stripes built brand new locations far off the interstate highway to meet demand from hungry truckers and their tucks.

Dominoes pizza opened up in Andrews, Texas and quickly became the country’s top grossing location. Mcdonalds in midland will pay you $15 an hour to flip burgers and they got a courtesy shuttle if you don’t have a ride.

Wait a minute. $15 an hour to work a Mcdonalds? Isn’t that what protesting fast food workers in New York City demanded?! Yes! Hydraulic fracturing created such an economic boom in west Texas that fast food workers made nearly double new york’s minimum wage.

I <3 FRACKING.

Right now some of you are like, “Jimmy, the price of oil is dropping so the fracking boom is going to go bust!”

Yup. The price of oil is dropping. That’s exactly why Governor Cuomo came out against fracking. When oil peaked right above $100 a barrel, I don’t remember him taking a strong, public stand against fracking.

What if oil had gone up to $200 a barrel? Imagine the millions of dollars fracking would generate through the New York State’s income tax. All the mineral rights would boost assessed property values for taxation. At $200 a barrel, even Albany’s biggest moonbat liberal would brush off any imagined health concerns from fracking. I mean, that’s a lot of tax money to waste– er, excuse me– appropriate.

But oil didn’t soar. It tumbled down to nearly $50 a barrel. So Andrew Cuomo took a big, bold stand against a controversial procedure right after it was no longer profitable to do in New York. Wow. What principled leadership!

If the govenor cares so much about the public health of western New York, I know what he should focus on. You know all those abandoned buildings I mentioned? During the frigid adirondack winters, they were warmed with steam heat. The pipes that carried that steam were insulated with asbestos.

There’s new york’s health problem. Asbestos. Fracking doesn’t have anything on the environmental disaster of new york’s asbestos abatement problem. The keystone xl pipeline is a green technology compared to the steam pipes of New York.

Christmas Haul 2014. Peterbilts and Guns!

Guys, the themes to this year’s Christmas were Peterbilt and guns. The boys got guns. Every item that I got related to Peterbilt. Some things that Julia got were related to Peterbilt.

A lot of people watched my Christmas Gift Giving guide 2014 and wondered how the stretch pants would go over with my wife. You know it’s pretty daring of me to purchase all my Christmas gifts at a truck stop. But it turned out to be the kind of big risk that paid off big time!

Guys, I bet you feel foolish for not thinking to buy your wife stretch pants along with Chocolate truffles for her to fill them out. That’s what it takes to wheel a hot chick. Take note, single guys.

Last Minute Gift Guide Christmas 2014

 

Guys, I did this last minute gift guide from the Peterbilt outside the Kent Kwik in Midland. You know, the one on Farm-to-Market Road 1788? Anyways, these truckstops are the best place for last minute gifts!

Don’t forget to watch my “Gift Giving Guide for Uncles” from the Christmas past. It’s four years old!

The Rats Eat Michelle Obama’s School Lunch #ThankYouMichelleObama

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You know what I say about health food. It isn’t healthy and it isn’t food. I scornfully put quotes around “heath” and then around “food” then nest those quotes inside another set of quotes and I write "“health”“food.”"

Now there’s another dimension to the health food stupidity of godless liberals. And it’s the same thing that turns all liberal dreams into real-life nightmares: unintended consequences.

KCBS in San Francisco reports today that schools who implemented Michelle Obama’s “healthy” school lunch are plagued by rats. According to liberals on location, the public schools do not have the infrastructure needed to support a large amount of fresh foods. Nor can they handle the huge amount of waste generated by its rejection.

Infrastructure Problem

Ah, infrastructure. You know what that word means? Liberals demand a huge expenditure of money, and they disguise their excessiveness with a word that sounds so responsible and efficient: Infrastructure.

Did you know that we used to have an infrastructure that fed kids at school? Yup. It was efficient, reliable, and featured edible food packed with nutrients such as fat, salt, and cholesterol.

The food was processed and stored in such a way that you wouldn’t have a noteworthy rodent problem. Do rats chew through cans? No. So you can store food in cans easily in shelves, off the floor.

This system, developed over decades, did not inherently attract rats.

But according to the women’s health magazines Michelle Obama reads, carrots in a can are not as healthy as dirt-encrusted carrots just pulled from a manure-fertilized urban garden.

So she snaps her fingers in a z-pattern and pronounces that by the power vested in her granted by the United States Constitution, all schools in the country must hereby offer its students fresh carrots.

And so all of America’s schools go through the trouble and expense to truck in raw carrots. And rats.

How do raw carrots cause rats?

Have you ever been to a produce center? I used to go to the New England Produce center and the Boston Market. They are Boston’s two main warehouses for fresh fruit and vegtables. It’s where most stores and restaunts get their produce.

You know it, right? Over there by King Arthur’s court? (It’s a seedy strip club/motel.)

You go over the Tobin bridge, get off and drive through the slummed out El Barrio. Watch out for druggies stumbling out of their triple deckers and into the road. Then go towards the natural gas power plant. The pavement will run out and you’ll go down a rough dirt road past a bunch of abandoned old industrial buildings.

You could pretty much follow your nose to the spoiled onion smell. But just so you know, turn between the two scrap metal junk yards. And there you are! Welcome to Greater Boston’s home for fresh fruit and vegetables.

In this old train depot, amid the hustle and bustle of jalopy trucks backing up to open-air loading docks, are Mrs. Obama’s fresh carrots.

50 pounds of carrots are bundled in mesh bags, and stacked 5 feet high on a mildewed wooden pallet which is pushed into a corner over a standing puddle.

I can’t say I’ve seen rats at this produce center. But when I’m there, I’m too busy making sure I don’t get stabbed or robbed. The warehouse workers all know eachother from prison. That’s pretty much how you get a reference to work there.

There are two good things I can say about Boston’s produce center. First, the pinkie-ringed salesmen will make you a great deal on produce sold by the pallet or by the box. Cash talks. Big time.

Second, it’s a great joy as a trucker to run over fruit spilled on the filthy, muddy ground in between the buildings. Watermellons burst like turtles. Kiwis burst like mice. The really large kiwis burst like rats.

Wait! Maybe I have seen rats there!

So anyway, I don’t know if your picking up on the picture I’m painting here. But fresh fruit and vegetables go through a heck of a ride before they get to the school lunch tray. So the fact that carrots would bring rats with them for the ride wouldn’t surprise anyone who’s seen the sausage making of fresh vegetable making.

The 50-pound bag of Prevention

Are there any safeguards we can take to prevent rats from riding along with the carrots?

Yup. We can submerge the carrots in boiling hot water and stuff them in a can.

Oh wait. That’s called processing. It renders the carrot “unhealthy.”

A Christian Response to Ferguson

What should the Christian response to Ferguson be? Well, first of all, it should be immediatly practical and based on the Bible’s wisdom. Right now as I write this, blacks are rioting in Ferguson. That’s the first challenge we Christians must take on.

We can get the Blacks to stop rioting based on the wisdom of the Bible. It’s really easy. Here’s how:

Missouri Governor Nixon should shut off all EBT cards and food stamps until the rioting stops. This will work so well that he can send the cops home and save all the overtime pay.

The blacks in Ferguson act like animals because the state treats them like animals. The state feeds them and houses them like animals. So when they get angry, they stampede like a heard of brute beasts.

ferguson is a zoo

Ok, you want to act like animals? Animals get hungry eventually. So when these rioting animals duck into a store to grab some Cheetos, their ebt card won’t work. How then will they tame their munchies?

Steal the Cheetos? They can. But delivery trucks don’t restock a store that’s being looted. So eventually that store full of food will be gone. Their munchies will grow to full blown starvation. (It takes a lot of energy to throw bricks through windows during a late November cold snap!)

When the food runs out and with no ebt card to replace it, the blacks will be faced with a choice: starve to death or stop acting like animals.

Yup, the same process that I used to train my dog Leona is the same process that we can use in Ferguson to train these blacks to act like dignified men. In fact, it’s the same process that God uses to train us in godliness. Hunger.

Read what Paul the Apostle says about hunger in his second letter to the Thessalonians:

Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us. For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us, because we were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone’s bread without paying for it, but with toil and labor we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you. It was not because we do not have that right, but to give you in ourselves an example to imitate. For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat. For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies. Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living.

As for you, brothers, do not grow weary in doing good. If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.

In this passage Paul lays down a rule. If you don’t work, you don’t eat. When people don’t have a job to do, they become busybodies. And busybodies keep themselves occupied by rioting.

Right now some people are like, “Jimmy not all black people in Ferguson are unemployed. Many of them have jobs.”

Yea. Many black people in Ferguson had jobs at places that were destroyed by the rioters. So do they really have that job anymore?

The Christian church can confront the problems people face, or it can coddle people in their sin. When we speak frankly to one another, it’s difficult at first, but in the end we can correct someone’s error and improve his life. When we coddle someone in his sin, he is worse off.

Do you think the residents of Ferguson are better off or worse off after they smashed windows in their own neighborhood? I’d say that they are worse off. So despite my strong words to begin this post, I am more loving of black people than the President of the United States.

This is Christian love. We don’t coddle people caught in sin. Even if it’s a whole race of people, we confront that problem. The Bible has answers to problems. We who know the truth have an obligation to share it.

Read what Paul the apostle wrote in his letter to Titus concerning Creatans:

One of the Cretans, a prophet of their own, said, “Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.”

This testimony is true. Therefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith, not devoting themselves to Jewish myths and the commands of people who turn away from the truth.

Was Paul racist against the Cretans? Sounds like it to me. But he commanded Titus to rebuke them sharply. Otherwise the Cretans would start rioting about police brutality when one of their own breaks the law.

I think that for me to obey this, I should rebuke black Americans sharply. Ok. Here it goes.

Black Americans, you should be ashamed of yourselves! Rioting? No. It’s time to stop assaulting police officers. It’s time to go to work and feed yourselves.

how to clean your plate.

dressing spray bottle cleaner

source: tumblr

Can Anybody Stop Obama?

Tonight Obama issued a royal edict granting amnesty to millions of criminals. Earlier today, Drudge right asked on the drudgereport.com, “Can anyone stop him?”

Yes. He will suffer a mortal blow. It won’t come from Republicans. It won’t come from a massive uprising of the American people. It will come from jilted Democrats.

Yes, that’s right. Betrayal.

Why? I explain that in an article I started writing last week. So stay tuned to read that when I publish it.

But how? That’s what I’m writing about right now.

I’m going to make a bold prediction
right here. I’m going to predict how it will happen. Ready?

I predict that some Democrats will not see any benefit from Obama’s lies. In fact, they will fall victim to Obama’s lies. In vengeance, they will turn to the Secret Service for the dirt. And the dirt, of course, will be Obama’s buddy entering the White House through the back door. You know what I mean? “Back door?”

This is a bold prediction, but also a cryptic one. That’s because the Bible commands me not to speak slanderously about anybody. So I have a little plausible deniability here because the subject matter here is not public knowledge. But the truth always comes out of the closet sooner or later. If you know what I mean.

The democrats love lies, until the truth better serves their end, which is destruction. Then they will force the truth out of the closet. I predict.

Obama’s First Spanking

Guys, Obama got spanked yesterday in the 2014 midterm elections. It’s Obama’s first spanking. It didn’t come from his daddy. It came from the American people.

Here’s the problem. As a dad of five or six kids, I can tell you that the first time a kid gets spanked he throws a tantrum. America, brace yourself for the Obama tantrum.

Did Obama get spanked as a child?

This is an honest question. Did Obama’s daddy spank him?

Some of you question who Obama’s dad really is. For the purpose of answering this question, I’d consider any father figure in his life such as Barack Obama Sr., Frank Marshall Davis, Stanley Dunham, or Barry Soetoro. Did any of these men correct Obama’s misbehavior?

Look, I don’t have the time to read either one of Obama’s autobiographies to find the answer. To answer my own question, I’d say, no, Obama’s dad (whoever that is) did not care to discipline him.

The evidence I have is that Obama’s juvenile, self-centered mind is incapable of understanding consequences. And that’s the whole purpose of spanking. To make your kid understand consequences.

Kids start out self centered and rebellious. When you spank a naughty boy’s bumbum, he learns that the world isn’t about him. He learns that he needs to listen to daddy.

If you don’t spank a naughty boy’s bumbum he might grow up to become a man like Barack Obama.

Our president thinks abortion is a form of compassion. He surrendered Iraq to ISIS butchers. He ruined our nation’s healthcare system. Do you notice a theme among all these nice things our president believes?

Death. All those nice ideals Obama strives towards result in death as a consequence. All because he was never spanked. As it is written:

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.

If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.

  • Proverbs 23:13
    (Sheol is the Hebrew word for the grave.)

Some of you right now are like, “Jimmy, how dare you call yourself a Christian! You’re saying such mean and nasty things about President Obama.”

Oh! I’m the bad guy? Our president betrayed our Iraqi allies and allowed ISIS to behead and murder countless human beings, but I’m the bad guy?

What I just wrote isn’t about Obama. It’s about you.

When you don’t spank a kid’s ass he becomes an ass himself. You Obama voters are asses. You are the first generation of human beings who grew up without spankings! You did more than elect and re-elect Obama. You made him your king.

President Barack Obama is the king of the unspanked ass generation.

Look at his voters. They are all immature Americans who want to avoid the consequences of their behavior.

If you don’t work, you don’t eat. Unless Obama gives you welfare.

If you have sex you might become pregnant. But not if Obama stops Republicans from taking away your birth control.

Obama voters are women and effeminate, juvineille men who hate dads and husbands. In other words, they hate men who represent discipline.

You call this young generation Millennials. I call them the Unspanked Ass Generation. Get ready for them and their king to throw a big tantrum.

A Christian’s Prayer for Ebola

A Christian’s Prayer for Ebola:

Dear God,

Please keep Ebola out of Texas.
Oh God, send it to Washington, DC.

You are a God of Justice who calls men to account.
Can a man live up to the standard he holds against you?
Our leaders think they can swing open the country’s gates for the world to plunder our treasury.

Okay. Fly a horde of Ebola non-stop to Washington Dulles.
May West African tourists have a sudden urge to tour the White House.
May they sneeze uncontrollably on all doorknobs!

Oh Lord, what about those who mock you?
Let’s see if Obamacare can save the White House from Ebola.
If you bring our leaders to their senses,
maybe they will shut the nation’s gate.

You hold the king’s heart like a stream of water.
Make him shake hands with African leaders.
Make him hug nurses who treat Ebola.
Because America rejected you, let’s see if healthcare.gov can stop this disease!

May the wicked be undone by their own wickedness,
but may those who serve you be spared from foreign diseases.

Lord, save Texas from Ebola.
Send it to Washington, DC!

Amen.

Obama’s Three Steps To Destroy America

President Barack Obama took three steps to finally destroy the United States of America. Now all he has to do is sit back and watch. Is he some evil genius? No. He’s a Godless liberal. By trying to improve the country, he destroyed it. And by destroying the country, he destroys himself. Here’s how.

1. Offer Free Healthcare to All. (Obamacare).

The fact that everyone in the country already had healthcare didn’t matter to Obama. He promised to proved us with a different system that was better, fair, and less expensive. Oh, and it was named after him. Obamacare.

That fact that it’s becoming more expensive, unjust, and morbidly inefficient doesn’t matter. To the uneducated masses of the entire world, all they hear is that it’s free!

Keep in mind that this public declaration of free health care is to the entire world, not just the low-information voters in the United States.

2. End Immigration Laws.

This step really improves the country according to Obama. The big problem with the United States of America is that it’s too white, english-speaking, and Protestant Christian.

Just look at all these pasty white folks. They drive from their stable homes to work every day. They go to Church on Sundays. All the while, they live free from disease and poverty! That just burns up Obama with rage. It’s so unfair!

The open border fixes that unfairness by allowing brownskinned, Catholic, Spanish-speakers to generously share their poverty and disease with the United States.

3. Publicly Demonstrate the Superiority of American Medicine.

The big problem with Obamacare is what I said earlier. We already had healthcare! Even the poor in America had healthcare through SSDI, Medicare, and Medicaid.

Thus, all of us Americans saw Obamacare as a huge expensive burden. And we did not bow down and worship Obama’s image.

But with a little marketing way down south of the border, our government stoked interest in all the free things the United States offered. Chief among them is healthcare.

Naturally, Central America’s sick made the journey north. How could you blame them? And it works out great for Obamacare, which needs poor, sick dependents.

How does this destroy America?

A country is made up of people. And now, we white, english-speaking protestants are called the majority. Everyone else are minorities.

Obama’s three step plan throttles the numbers of minorities upward to the point where the plurality of minorites outnumber the majority.

Rather than stop and think of what exactly made these white, english speaking protestants so successful, Obama’s liberal army dispersed these sick poor brownskins all across the country.

So while there’s a place called “The USA” on this continent, what made the USA the USA is diluted to the point where it ain’t the USA no more.

Obama wants to kill the eagle with fire to ride the Phoenix higher.

How Obama Destroys Himself

Scripture teaches that the wicked destroy themselves.

Behold, the wicked man conceives evil and is pregnant with mischief and gives birth to lies.
He makes a pit, digging it out, and falls into the hole that he has made.
His mischief returns upon his own head, and on his own skull his violence descends.
- Psalm 7:14–16

So here’s the factor that I don’t think Obama took into account. It’s the uncontrollable level of pestilence he’d let into the country. I think Obama expected there would be an acceptable level of sickness brought by these illegal immigrants which our system could handle just fine.

For example, while teburculosis and the entrovirus are bad, they are not devastating. After absorbing these diseases, the robust American healthcare system would move on. Rich whites would learn a painful life lesson about fairness. The brownskins would forever worship Obama as Lord and Savior for healing them.

Oh, and they would return the favor by voting democrat.

But reality had a surprise for Obama.

(Reality always has a surprise for liberals.)

Ebola erupted on the world scene. With Step #2 in place, we could not keep Ebola out. Furthermore, after Christian narcissists contracted the disease, they were treated in America and cured. This made Step #3 a powerful magnet too strong to shut off.

Obama’s form of government requires enough peace and prosperity that the wealthy willingly participate in the confiscation of their wealth. They call this civilized society.

But deadly plagues brought by foreigners trigger an animalistic survival instinct in humans called racism. This inhibits civilized society. People will not tolerate open borders nor the confiscation of their wealth. Thus, Obama’s gig is up.

ironic plot twist.

With our open borders and deadly diseases at large, some anticipate a massive immigration to the USA. For example the general of the us marine corps predicted such.

But if Ebola breaks out anywhere, it will be in the United States, not Mexico. Mexicans may be bandits, but they are not liberals. They guard their own southern border with machine guns even as they escort their citizens across ours.

So Mexico will place travel bans on Africans. America will not. If Ebola breaks out large scale, Obama’s precious Latinos will run home.

That’s Obama’s ruin. He won’t have his peasants to crown him king. He won’t have the rich white dollars to give to his subjects. The Ebola floodwaters will crash down Obama’s house.

Okay guys. That’s all I can write now. I’m not predicting an Ebola outbreak even though I don’t see how it won’t happen. But you can see how the illegal immigration that Obama wants will destroy the country and destroy Obama. Just replace Ebola with ISIS and you get the same thing.

Reality is the enemy of liberals.

What Will Happen When ISIS Beheads Americans In America?

What happens when ISIS starts beheading Americans in America? Answer: The same thing that happened when ISIS beheaded Americans abroad. Nothing.

When the Islamic State in America (ISA) stages a public beheading in an American city, our government will put yellow tape around the scene and investigate. Then do nothing.

Sure, there will be a massive outcry from the American people. Sure, the news media will go wall-to-wall with coverage. Then everyone will move on.

Right now some people are like, “No way, Jimmy! If ISIS did a beheading in America we’d all get our guns and fight!”

Really?! Say, are you a Christian?

And they’re like, “Uhh… yea. Why?”

Do you know what they call a Christian who fights on behalf of the weak against Musilims? A knight.

Do you modern American Christians want to rethink how you disassociate yourself from Middle Age knights? I think America desperately needs a new code of chivalry right now.

But anyways, regarding fighting ISIS after they mobilize on American soil, I have another question. What will happen when American citizens take up arms against ISIS?

Here’s the shocking answer. The same American government who did nothing to stop ISIS would come down hard on Americans fighting ISIS. They will call us vigilantes.

It hurts me to say this, but you know it’s true. The same weapons of the US government that will not open fire against ISIS will open fire against American citizens who open fire on ISIS.

ISIS is the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria. ISA is the Islamic State in America. Get used to seeing their flag. It will wave in all the public places where the Stars and Stripes is not allowed because it offends.

White House Gate Crasher

The White House is a house. So let’s see what the Bible says about houses. From Proverbs chapter 3:

The LORD's curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the dwelling of the righteous. 
Toward the scorners he is scornful, but to the humble he gives favor. 

Ah. Okay. The Lord’s curse is on the White House. But what exactly is God’s curse? Barack Obama! Obama is his own curse. Liberals destroy themselves by their own liberalism.

God doesn’t need to swoop down out of heaven with a catastrophe to destroy those who rise up against him. You who rebel against God destroy yourselves by your own rebellion.

To see how a godless liberal such as Obama can destroy himself, look at the recent incident where Omar Gonzalez got into the White House.

courageous restraint

Warfare is an inescapable part of the world God created. Your only two options regarding war is to win or lose. But Obama thought it was awful that American soldiers would engage in combat successfully. So he wanted to offer a military award for courageous restraint. You know, as an incentive to lose.

So that’s Obama’s standard of valor? Courageous restraint?

If so, Obama needs to commend all the Secret Service agents who did nothing to stop the gate-hopping interloper! Did the Secret Service director praise the courageous restraint shown by multiple layers of her White House security team?

Victoria’s Secret service

Liberals insist there is no difference between men and woman. Science told them. Obama, seizing upon that sentiment, proclaimed that Republicans wage a war against women.

So Obama, to meet his standard of fairness should have equal numbers of female Secret Service agents as male, right?

I don’t know how many females there are at the secret service. But there was at least one at the White House that day. I know that because the crazy guy bowled her over.

That’s what happens when a man, who on average is bigger and stronger than a female, crashes into a female.

Life is sexist.

And finally let me ask Obama something. What right do you have to exclude this dreamer from the White House? You didn’t build that!

Besides, Gonzales is a small scale illegal alien. After arriving in the White House, the gate crasher should immediately recieve the same rights and privileges as the current residents.

ironic destruction

The Bible says to “give honor to whom honor is due.” We Americans honor our military for keeping us safe. Likewise we honor the Secret Service for keeping the president safe. They both deserve to do their job unencumbered by liberal fantasies!

When Liberal fantasize of a reality without God, reality crashes down on them. God doesn’t even need to lift a finger.

Did the NFL Punish Ray Rice Justly?

The NFL’s treatment of Ray Rice shows it does not hold truth and justice up as standards for conduct. Instead, like the rest of America, it holds up fairness and knowledge. As a result, the vengeful rule of the mob is ruining football, just like Obama voters are ruining America.

Consider that Ray Rice already admitted to assaulting his fiancé. That’s the truth. He assaulted her. The prosecutors of that jurisdiction did not pursue charges. According to the law, justice was satisfied, and Mr. Rice walked a free man.

But the mob thought that was unfair. They rallied to demand the NFL punish Ray Rice somehow. They asked, “How is it that a running back who hits Mary Jane, a marijiuana cigarette, gets suspended for six games, but a running back who hits Mary Jane, a woman, gets nothing?”

So the NFL acquiesced to the mob. They handed Ray Rice a two game suspension. I ask, was that suspension just? Did Mr. Rice’s contract have provisions in it regarding domestic violence? Did the NFL have already standing policies in place regarding suspensions for domestic violence?

It was arbitrary and set a poor precedent. Remember that the authorities did not prosecute charges against Mr. Rice. However, the NFL wasn’t concerned with justice, it was concerned with quelling the mob.

But then TMZ got it’s hands on the elevator video of him actually hitting her. When the mob saw it, they rallied again. It’s not fair that Ray Rice play football at all!

And so the Ravens terminated Ray Rice’s contract. He lost his living, his income and the means to support the woman he hit, who ended up marrying him. The team is worse off, and the NFL has one fewer high-caliber running back on the field.

How is this additional punishment just? It also punished the victim of Ray Rice’s crime. Worst of all, women who may suffer domestic violence at the hands of NFL players are much less likely to report these crimes if they think it will ruin their livelihood.

What exactly did the TMZ video change? If the two game suspension was an adequate punishment before, what did the video reveal that required the NFL to indefinitely ban Ray Rice?

It didn’t change our concept of the truth. As far as I know neither Ray Rice or his woman denyed what happened. The problem is that the Obama voters who watch the NFL cannot conceptualize the truth.

Read this: “Ray Rice punched his girlfriend.” You conceptualized that information. Now go watch the video of him punching her. You don’t need to conceptualize it anymore. You know he punched her after seeing it so vividly. (JK. You don’t need to actually watch the video.)

The video heightened our knowledge of the event, changing it from conceptual to visceral. Since the mob acts by instinct not intellect, the video unleashed emotion.

Here’s something you guys need to understand. Truth compels justice. But fairness rests until knowledge stirs it up.

You’re asking, “What’s the difference?” Here it is. You can’t change the truth. Things are true weather you know it or not. But you can play around with knowledge by purposefully remaining ignorant or casting doubt unreasonably.

The video took away that wiggle room.

Before the video went viral, the Obama voters of Baltimore could plausibly remain Ray Rice fans. They might doubt the severity of the beating for example. But the video made the knowledge of the crime inescapable. Suddenly they all want to exchange their Rice Ravens jerseys.

To wrap this up, let’s turn to Barack Obama. That mob that demands the NFL be fair demands Obama rule fairly as its king. And so we see Obama play around with knowledge, purposefully remaining ignorant of truth, lest he be compelled to act. Consider his inaction after the Russians shot down the Malysians Airline jet, or when Musilims stormed Benghazi. He’s still getting to the bottom of those issues. The report from the blue ribbon panel is due soon. He will find out what happened! (Someday)

But unlike the NFL, he has no interest in quelling the mob. He stokes the mob.

When the Obama justice department stormed Furgeson, Missouri, they weren’t looking for the truth. The truth might condemn Michael Brown. They were stirring vengence against the cops to dole out some unprecedented, arbitrary punishments.

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